Saturday, April 28, 2007

PG-13 (Weeks)

Here's me at 12 weeks on my way to the now infamous Baby Fair.

12 weeks

Here's me this morning at 13 weeks.

13 wks

And here's us with our grand prize - a light wood crib and a 6 piece bedding set.

Our Grand Prize: Crib and Bedding Set

We thought the frog set was cute, but I was smitten with one called "Critter Chatter" and swapped for that one instead. So excited! We have to borrow a truck tomorrow and go get the crib because it was humongous and wouldn't fit in our Saturn.

I had my first strange pregnancy dreams last night. (I wonder if it was caused by my few sips of German beer at the Gerst Haus with friends last night? Now that was quite an adventure, what with the $8 pitchers of beer, the really good German food, and the raucous band full of 60-somethings donned in lederhosen and dirndls, playing accordions, ringing cowbells, playing the "chicken dance" multiple times and making all of us get up and dance in a huge circle around the dining room. What a hoot!) Anyway, I wonder if this had anything to do with my dreams. I think most definitely.

My first one was this: I had to rush to work to set up a lecture or something, so Huz had to go to the hospital and deliver the baby because I was too busy. I got mad after 2 hours went by and he hadn't called me with an update, so I called him and demanded to know whether we had a boy or a girl. "A girl" he said. I cried and was thrilled.

The second one was this: I was learning to breast feed the baby, which was very difficult because I was trying the cross-cradle hold with my right hand and was using my left hand to shove my breast into the baby's mouth (which inevitably wasn't opened wide enough). After much trial and error, it seemed to finally be working. That is until the "baby" took a drink, gagged, and crawled away on all fours barfing like a frat boy after a rocking party. So that made me feel like my milk was poison and I was a failure at motherhood. Oh, and then Cambridge came up and bit my nipple.

Weird, huh!?!?!

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 8:43 AM

Thursday, April 26, 2007


In my last post I mentioned that I stuffed my flabby gut into a bikini. When I got home after work, Huz corrected me and said that my gut is not flabby. No. He said it's rather taut. So I guess I should have said my taut, fat gut was stuffed into a bikini.

The end.

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 3:36 PM

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


So my prenatal water aerobics class was awesome. Indeed I was the smallest one there which did make me feel better about the flabby gut I was sporting in a bikini, however I decided I must go get a better suit if I'm to continue going (which I want to). Why? Because you jog a lot in water aerobics and the sisters wanted to be free. Too free. So I'm off to Target (and maybe a maternity store, though the inflated prices will probably deter me) this weekend to find a good maternity tankini that will hold everything in place whilst jogging around in a pool. The class had around 7 women (one due in 4 weeks, another in 5, another in 6, and one in 4 months). I worked out hard and it felt great.

When I got home from the class I was headed straight for the bathroom because I now have to pee all the freaking time. But right as I was walking in, my cell phone rang. I answered it, despite the unfamiliar number, and I'm so glad I did. See, I went to a baby fair with a girlfriend last weekend and it was a crazy, busy place packed to the gills with women in all their big ol' bump glory (I felt out of place and wanted a big ol' bump, but it will come - probably far sooner than I think). There were lots of vendors there (formula representatives, baby announcement companies, Baby Depot, Babies R' Us, breast pump companies, etc.) and lots of mailing lists to be joined, which I did with abandon in the event that I'll get some coupons or win a free breast pump or something. The lady on the phone introduced herself as Leslie from Nashville's 'Parent' magazine and said that I won something at the recent fair. "I did!?!" I yelled, "I never win anything!" She went on to describe how she chose a cute gender-neutral bedding set at Baby Depot for the giveaway and that I was the proud new owner of the frog-filled set. Awesome!


Then she went on to tell me that I won a whole freaking crib too! YYIIIIPPPPEEEEE!!! Those things are so expensive ($500 in prizes she said) and now I've got it for FREE! I'm so excited!!! :) :) I could hardly contain myself and Huz wasn't home (evening class), so I ran outside and told my elderly neighbor, Don, who was out on his patio with his girlfriend. They were happy for me, as were my Dad, Grandma, and Mom whom I called afterwards. I'm still so stoked today. What a blessing! :)

[I think the bedding set is this one, but I'm not sure until I go to the store to get it. Can't wait!]

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 9:18 AM

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Ready Or Not

I'm going to take a big gulp and don a bikini after work tonight. Oh baby. My flabby gut (not pregnant looking yet - just like I have 2 intertubes under my flesh) in a bikini? Hot! It's for a pre-natal swim class. I hope I'll be the skinniest one there because I sure as hell don't feel attractive in a bikini these days. Wish me luck. I hope it'll be fun and that I can get back in shape - it's been over 3 months since I did anything! But, thankfully, I'm feeling like my old self again (minus the chunky waist, huge sore boobs, and afternoon fatigue) and need to start working on my strength for the delivery. I'm also going to check out a midwife center on campus this Friday because although I like my OB at Baptist Hopsital, I'm freaking out about finances and am thinking the 10% I'd have to pay after insurance is going to be a lot better than 20% at Baptist. I'd never consider a midwife center if drugs weren't an option, which apparently they are. I just feel like I have no idea what I'm getting into and how much pain I can handle, so I want the option if I really need it. I also would value a one on one relationship with a midwife and the mobility that a birthing center affords (using a birthing ball, walking around, getting into a whirlpool) rather than being strapped on my backside the whole time - that seems counter-intuitive. We'll see. It may be too granola for me; I'll let you know what I decide.

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 9:37 AM

Thursday, April 19, 2007

5 Questions, Quarter Life Style

The Journaling major extraordinaire from Quarter Life Crisis is trying out her interviewing skillz on me with these 5 questions. Thanks for the fun, Jenifer!

1. Name another blogger(s) you admire and whose quality of writing you aspire to emulate.

While I love Dooce (like everyone else and their dog) and am jealous as all get out that she blogs for a living (just bought a nicer, bigger house on that salary!), I really love the intelligent, witty, smart-ass writing of Mimi Smartypants. She reads voraciously, drinks beer like a fish, adopted a Chinese daughter several years ago and writes openly about figuring out parenthood one step at a time, speaks her mind, is brilliant, confident, and in your face. I admire her tremendously and wish I could write as witty as she does, but doubt I’ll ever come close.

2. There's a twister coming for your house and you have five minutes to grab personal effects before heading to shelter. Not including the obvious - Huz and cats - what three things do you manage to take with you to safety and why?

Okay, I must say how glad I am that you didn't make me list Huz, Cambridge, and Neville because that would have been my whole list. Now if I get the luxury of saving 3 more things?


It sounds crazy, but my bra would make the list right now. The sisters are very heavy and sore of late and though I sleep in a sports bra, I ain't going out in public in one. Ever heard of uniboob (similar to unibrow, but so much worse)? I'm sporting uniboob big time in that bra. So, my underwire bra would have to come with me.

My Nikon D-70 would also make the cut. It’s a really expensive gift from my Dad that I love. I don’t use it much lately but I still aspire to learn all of its tricks and hone my skills. Besides, how else are you going to see the cutest baby on the planet if I don’t have my camera?

Since I couldn’t realistically haul my nice leather couch and chair out on my back, I guess I’d grab my cell phone. It’s a boring answer, but how else am I going to call for help or notify my Mom that I’m okay? Yeah, I’d need my phone.

3. What would you like your last meal to be before dying? Please describe in detail.

Oh man. I’m going to have to cheat on this one, seriously. First, this is really hard because I am a lover of all things food, especially gourmet food. Secondly, I have to account for whether I’ll be in a spicy Mexican or Cuban food mood, or have more of a European palate on the last day of my life. Let the cheating commence.

Option A: Victoria's Ultimate Last Meal: Gringo Version (ala Margot’s, Nashville)

Beverage: Chardonnay

Salad of Grilled Pears, Spiced Pecans, and Gorgonzola with White Balsamic Vinaigrette

Fried Soft Shell Crabs with Lemon Caper Aioli

Beverage: Cabernet Sauvignon

Grilled Veal Chop with Morel Risotto and Merlot Sauce*

Beverage: Coffee

Chocolate Pot de Crème

*While I normally abstain from eating veal because I find it a brutal and unethical way to treat animals (even though I eat meat, I have my limits), since it’s my very last meal I won’t feel guilty in the morning. Morals be damned. I’m dying here!

Option B: Victoria's Ultimate Last Meal: Non-Gringo Version (ala Topolobampo, Chicago)

Beverage: Table side prepared margarita

Crema de Camarones Ahumados: creamy soup of fresh-dug Harmony Valley parsnips, applewood-smoked shrimp, apples, smoky chiles, dry Jack cheese, cilantro

Atún Ahumado a la Yucateca: orange-glazed grill-seared ahi tuna with pumpkinseed “hummus” (sikil pak), roasted tomato-habanero salsa and crispy plantains

Beverage: Table side prepared margarita

Pollito en Guasmole: serrano-marinated, pan-roasted Gunthorp rock hen with guasmole (Pueblan mole of roasted tomatillos and guaje seeds), herby green rice tortitas, pumpkinseed-tomatillo salsa and wood-grilled ramps

Beverage: Coffee

Crepes with fresh raspberries and cajeta (Mexican caramel made from goats milk)

4. Do you worry that your love for your cats will wane the moment you bring your baby home? How do you think they will cope with all of your attention suddenly directed toward another living thing?

Yes. I know it will wane and I’m tying (and failing) to cut the umbilical cord that runs between me and my cats early so that they are used to it and don’t blame the utter lack of attention on the baby. I'm not doing so well with his, however, as I continue to talk to, dress (in cute t-shirts no less)**, and carry them around like they are my babies because, for now, they really are. This transition will be hard on them (and on me, but I'll be so distracted by the kiddo that I probably won't blink an eye about it then). I've asked other parents of cats who brought home a baby how they coped and they suggested tin foil as a means to teach the cat not to jump in the crib or bassinet, so I'll definitely do that once we buy those things. (Supposedly they don't like the feel or sound of the tin under their paws.)

**Just so you know, I've always dressed my pets. I dug through an old photo album last night to find proof. These were our first pets as a married couple:

Feliz, a calico we adopted from a home that didn't want her, a.k.a. Mother Mary.

Mother Mary - circa 1996

Enselmo, an orange tabby we adopted from LSU vet school when he was only 6 weeks old (he was so small he fit into my palm!), a.k.a. Burrito Baby.

Burrito Baby - circa 1996

5. Tell me about your worst fashion faux pas, and if possible, please include a picture of said fashion disaster.

Oh my. Where do I begin? There are so many faux pas I've committed, from hair to glasses to clothes. Let's start with middle school.

Here I am in the height of my tight-rolling pants days. I'm the one on the far left, in case you can't tell. Isn't that HAWT? Way to make my short legs look even shorter!

Tight Rolling Days - 1989?

Then there was middle school cheerleading (I did eventually turn into a hot cheerleader, but my beginnings were humble at best). Check out the size of my glasses - so glad my cheeks could see their way down the halls without tripping. (I'm the top left.)

Middleschool Cheerleading - 1990

With the advent of a serious boyfriend (that would be Huz) my appearance improved. Here's us at Homecoming, circa 1993. Look at all that hair (both of ours)!

Homecoming - 1993

Later that summer my best friend and I went to Hawaii. We had just been picked up in the hotel elevator and took a picture of ourselves wondering why. I think I see why now. Look at that tan! Look how skinny I was! Those tight shorts have to go, but I'll take the rest.

Hotness - 1993

In 1994 Huz broke up with me and graduated high school, so I reinvented myself and became very hippy. This is when my best friend and I stopped shaving our legs (ouch!) and only shopped for clothes at thrift stores. I'm not too fond of my look that year.

I Turned Hippy - 1994

Huz became a hard core fundamentalist Christian and decided he wanted me back. This is my first visit with him after he converted. Needless to say, we both changed our appearance and style for the worse.

We Turned Hippy - 1994

Then I became a hard core Christian and wore the baggiest, most modest clothes I could find. I think I look horrible.

I Turned Fullgospel - circa 1995

Then we moved to Baton Rouge and got Souternized. Down there everyone dresses to the nines for church. I think I look like Frances Swaggart here. Shudder.

We Turned Southern - circa 1996?7?
So that, my friends, is a taste of my journey through fashion faux pas. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 1:13 PM

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Pee Your Pants Funny

This video is priceless, folks. Priceless.

And this one only reinforces my feelings on those nasty circus peanuts.

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 3:42 PM

Monday, April 16, 2007

Ain't No Way

That your Monday started off worse than mine. I left the house sleepy, still in a progesterone-induced stupor, only to find that Huz left the car on E. Great. I hardly have enough time as it is with this new commute, what with the fighting of traffic on the asinine highway system here. I rushed to the gas station and filled it half way, then pulled out and got on my way. A cop pulled me over for going 41 in a 30 and I got a ticket for a whopping $92 ($42 "administrative court cost" plus $50 for a speeding violation). And this is after he said he liked me because unlike most people he pulled over (and he got another one right after me - I watched in my rear view mirror) I wasn't grumpy. Well I am now!

Happy freaking Monday to you.

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 10:02 AM

Saturday, April 14, 2007


How do you pronounce smorgasbord? Like most people, you probably pronounce it phonetically, but me? I'm a different duck. Oh yes. I like to add a "sh" sound to things: smorgasbord is shmorgasbord; swastika is shwastika; this little guy isn't Smeagol, he's Shmeagol. Why? I think it's cuter that way.


So, we're still working on the den (Huz needs to finish installing a stubborn light fixture and do some wiring work to fix the light switch) but it looks much better than it did when we moved here. Take a look at some before and afters.

den - paneling to be paintedStudy Not Quite Done But Getting There

Neville can't wait for the baby to arrive. For this reason and for this one:

Totally Offended That I Would Put This Shirt On Him

Don't those ears just say it all? He's totally offended that I would put the Rotan t-shirt on him, but, hey! Until I have a kid - he and Cambridge are it! He might also be a wee bit offended because his sister takes every chance she can to sniff his ass.

Totally Offended About the Shirt and About His Sister Sniffing His AssTotally Offended About the Shirt and About His Sister Sniffing His Ass

And every opportunity to wrestle with him, especially when he's stuck in a t-shirt.


So he high-tailed it out of there.


And went to plead with Huz to take it off of him.


He rolled around on the floor a bit while I laughed hysterically and took pictures before he just kind of laid there in surrender. That's when I took it off. I'm going to make a great mom, eh?


I found a great thing called a Bella Band. It's a looped piece of elastic-like fabric that hides the fact that your not-yet-huge pregnant belly can't fit into your regular pants. I haven't buttoned my pants in about 2 weeks now, but because of this great invention, nobody knows. It's like I'm Raymond's Dad, but classier. Thanks Bella Band!

Bella Band - 10 WeeksBella Band - 10 WeeksBella Band - 10 Weeks

Finally, another belly shot. This is me this morning, fresh out of bed*. I'm 11 weeks along.

11 Weeks - Just Out of Bed

*Yes, I wear a sports bra to bed. I have to, man! These things hurt SO BAD that I've got to keep them strapped to my body at night. Until you've been there, you have no idea (plus, the progesterone pills exacerbate it). Ow.

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 5:43 PM

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


I'm in a much better mood than the last time I posted. Sorry about that. I hope you all had a lovely Easter Sunday; we enjoyed church in the morning and then a great dinner at a friend's house with about 12 people total. There was much food to be enjoyed, including: a delicious leg of lamb with a blueberry jalepeno reduction, a whole turkey, a decadent hashbrown casserole, asparagus with balsamic and shallot glaze (our contribution), roasted carrots with honey and orange sauce (our contribution), yummy garlic bread (my newest craving), creamed corn, and a lovely dessert that was a layered chocolate cake with tons of whipped cream and crumbled Heath bar on top. Yum. Even though I couldn't sip wine with everyone else I still enjoyed stuffing my face with some good food and enjoyed the great company. There was a couple there who just had a baby 10 days ago and both Huz and I held her a few times. She was only 6.2 lbs - tiny, tiny - and Huz cried when he held her, realizing how real it is to make a person and how soon this will happening to us. It was a beautiful moment.

One week and one day until I'm done with my first trimester and I can say bye bye to progesterone pills. YIPPEEEEE!

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 9:36 AM

Friday, April 6, 2007

The Good and the Ugly

Hey kids. How you been? I am so ready to celebrate (and we must, I tell you!) getting off progesterone pills in a week and a half. Yippee! I went to the mall with a friend last night and, I tell you, it about wore me out. I didn't get home until 7:30 and for the last hour of the trip I pretty much sat on a bench in the dressing room. Oh well, I got 3 things that made it worth it (other than spending time with my friend, of course): a $10 tan hoodie sweater from the Gap (and thanks to today's sudden drop in temperature - 46 high - I'm wearing it), a cute green Spring top from Banana Republic that was 40% off, and a brown t-shirt that isn't supposed to be a maternity shirt (from Forever 21 - a very young person store) but totally is. My friend dropped me off and I took my progesterone pill, ate a strange dinner (french fries and edamame), watched the Office and passed out on the couch at some point. All I remember is Huz coming home from a late class and helping me into bed.

You know what I hate? I hate it when I hear people say that they aren't having kids now because they don't have enough money when I know that they make A LOT more than we do. Ugh! You're not boosting my confidence over here!


I got a lovely package in the mail yesterday from my Mom - actually, it was mostly for the baby. The child's not even fully formed yet and is getting presents! An adorable hand-knitted sweater and hat set (hot pink...hmm, wonder who wants a girl), a tiny t-shirt from Honduras where she just went on vacation, a duck costume (for next Halloween, clearly), a stuffed bunny rabbit (Easter present), and this awesomely titled cream. I did get something in the box - 2 organic pregnancy teas and a couple of books. This one and this one. The latter one talks about being Psycho Chick and how everyone just really pisses you off easily when you're pregnant and, man on man, I have to confess: that's totally how I am.

You're driving poorly? I declare you a shit head, mother fucker. You constantly talk to yourself at a desk 2 feet away from me all day? Shut your freaking trap and learn to think inside of your head like the rest of us do, woman! You're skinny and have nice legs? Get the hell away from me, ho bag.

Yikes, huh?

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 12:45 PM

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Week Ten - Only Week Ten!?

I'm only a fourth of the way through this pregnancy. It feels like it's going so slooooowly. Maybe it's because I'm not really showing and I can't feel the baby move yet, but this is taking forever, man! I'm also REALLY tired today - like a whole new level of tired, and that is really saying something because I've been tired from the day I found out I was pregnant (well, I was tired before but thought it was from all the work on the new house). Perhaps it's because today is baby's graduation day: graduation from being an embryo to a fetus. What an accomplishment, little guy! You have all of your organs now. Good job! This also means that I only have to take those nasty progesterone pills for 2 more weeks (thank GOD). Wanna see how hot I look while sedated on them? It's kind of scary, I'm just warning you.

Sedated on Progesterone Pills

Isn't that lovely? I'm just a real hoot and party animal every night at about 9p.m., oh you bet! Poor Huz. Poor, poor Huz. They say it'll get better in the 2nd trimester - we're both holding our breath.

Here's my chubby gut a week and a half ago. (I know I'm putting myself down, but it just looks chubby to me, not pregnant.)

8 1/2 Weeks

Good times, friends, good times.

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 9:49 AM

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Sigh of Relief

I didn't sleep well last night. I tossed and turned, wide awake from about 2:30 - 4:00. See, I'm a worry wart by nature, but this pregnancy thing has increased that trait about tenfold. I'm constantly worried about the baby, that something will be wrong, that it won't make it through this first trimester alright. I had to wait a whole month before going to the OB again for another ultra sound and I was scheduled to do so this morning at 8:00.


I can't call him/her Snail anymore! It looks like an actual human baby now - complete with head, arms, legs, and a great big Buddah belly! Best part? He/she danced around for us - seriously. It was awesome. Heart beat is a strong 167 beats per minute. My OB said we're pretty much out of the woods now and that things look great. The due date remains Halloween. :)

Big sigh of relief.

Baby - 9 weeks, 6 days

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 11:44 AM

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