Thursday, January 29, 2009
East Nashville Photo Shoot, Number Three
A local ice cream shop.
Walking down the street.
A local organic veggie place.
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Tuesday, January 27, 2009
East Nashville Photo Shoot, Continued
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Monday, January 26, 2009
Folks,
I've maintained radio silence lately because I've just been too down to write. I am going through depression on top of the hypothyroidism. Good times! I am being seen by a counselor and have received a dosage change on my meds for the third time since December. Let's hope that these new ones do the trick. I long to feel like me again.
Now, on to happier things. This weekend a girlfriend and I went on a photo shoot in our neighborhood. I'll share in installations, lest you get overwhelmed. Here are some from a local weenery (yum!).
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Wednesday, January 21, 2009
She Walks!
And here's proof!|
Monday, January 19, 2009
I have an announcement to make
Claire is officially walking!
The other day she took 3 steps unassisted, then it was 5, now it's 18!
Wow.
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Saturday, January 17, 2009
On Pause. In Limbo.
I feel like I'm in limbo. The whole world seems to have moved on and yet here I am stuck in a gummy, gray place. What am I talking about? Well, I feel like everyone thinks I had a broken arm and after getting surgery and a band aid, I'm all better. But I may not be. I still have radiation looming ahead of me and, quite frankly, it scares the shit out of me. Yeah, yeah, it's a "magic bullet" in that it's radiated iodine so only thyroid tissue should take it up, but clearly it will effect other parts of my body since I'm not allowed to conceive for a YEAR after treatment (mature egg cells take up the radiation too and I guess you could have a sick or miscarried baby). It's POISON. I'll be dangerous to others for a week. I have to find a place to stay so I can be on ISOLATION, especially from children and pregnant women. If I vomit in the car on the way home from the hospital after getting the radiation pill, my car will be impounded for six MONTHS. I can't wrap my head around this. What am I doing? I'm ingesting POISON. This is crazy. I hate that this is happening to me. Although joining the group mentioned in the previous post is helpful in that I know I'm not alone, it's also making this all so real. This is really happening and it's happening to me. Some people who have gone through exactly what I'm going through haven't gotten better. Some have, but some have to take the radiation over and over again with more surgeries and some don't ever get cured of cancer. I can't help but ask, what if?In the meantime, while I am focusing so much on myself and how scary and unfair this all is, I feel like I'm letting people down. I'm not being an attentive wife, mother, or friend. I'm too selfish right now. I'm too focused on being radioactive, on what it will be like being isolated from Claire (and Huz) for 7 days, on what if my cancer comes back, on when am I ever going to feel like myself and not so tired and crappy again? My apologies to Huz, Claire, my friends and my family. I'm sorry I'm not more attentive right now. I'm sorry I'm not as sensitive to your needs as I normally would be. I'm sorry I didn't send out a single Christmas card or thank you note. I'm doing all I can to survive right now. I'm sorry. |
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thyroid Cancer Tips
I just joined an email support group for thyroid cancer on thyca.org and found this powerful and completely relevant post. For anyone experiencing this first-hand, or even if you just want to know what a thyroid cancer patient is dealing with, please read this.TOP 10 TIPS FOR THYCA NEWBIES
Life rarely goes according to plan. If you have recently been
diagnosed with thyroid cancer, and if you are like most of us,
you will find yourself flooded by a range of emotions including
fear, disbelief and anger.
The following steps are suggested to help focus your thoughts
and actions, in order to make the best informed decisions
for yourself in the least stressful way.
1) FIND A SPECIALIST
If you don’t already have a thyroid cancer specialist, ask your family
doctor, or members of this group for referrals (most thyroid cancer
patients are monitored by endocrinologists rather than oncologists).
While some people don't see this doctor until after their surgery,
it's helpful to meet with them beforehand, and let him/her coordinate
surgery, treatment, etc. (see "Finding a Doctor")
2) LEARN ALL YOU CAN ABOUT YOUR DISEASE
(BUT NOT NECESSARILY ALL AT ONE TIME)
Knowledge is your greatest asset when facing down fear and when
making decisions about your treatment. Obviously, by joining this
group, you've made a huge step in that direction.
While it's helpful to have a sense of the bigger picture, don't try to
learn everything at once. Focus on each step of the treatment as
you're going through it, and then move on to the next one.
In a few months, you'll be an expert.
3) MAINTAIN A THYCA JOURNAL
I can't emphasize this one enough.
While you are going through this journey, it may seem that you
couldn't possibly forget anything that is happening.
Trust me - unless you have an exceptionally powerful memory
(and even if you do), you will forget details.
In addition to being a wonderful outlet, a journal is an excellent
reference for your unique thyca experience.
When things are looking bad, it's nice to be able to see that you
have felt bad before and come out of it. When you are feeling great,
it's great to put that in writing, too.
This doesn't have to be anything formal, but will be an invaluable tool
as you make your way through your treatments and follow up. You
may want to keep a separate small notebook intended for doctors'
visits (Cynthia: " ... it is essential to have a notebook with notes
from all your doctor's visits in it. My notebook is small enough that
I can fit it in my purse (although my purse isn't small). This gives me
the ability to write questions down at any time during the day, no
matter where I am.")
Keep track of all the doctors you have seen, questions you want to
ask them, as well as their responses and instructions.
Keep track of your favorite coping tricks, so you can refer to them
again. (As a thyca friend says, if you don't do this, you'll have to
ask your friends what the heck you ate while on the LID* and that
can be embarrassing ..... :- )
*LID - low iodine diet
Some things to keep in your journal:
- doctors' names & phone numbers (most handy if it's on the first
page or inside cover)
- questions for the doctors, with room for their answers
- very brief summary of each appointment (including date)
- favorite resources (internet links, books, articles, etc. - either
your own, or recommendations from others)
- medications, dosages, conditions under which they are taken
(empty stomach, etc.), and how you feel with that protocol
- LID menus & favorite recipes
- medical reports received (this should include all of them, including
blood tests)
- tips you want to try when you reach another stage of your treatment
- records of your treatment, including dates and number of millicuries
of each RAI, TSH levels and thyroglobulin (Tg) levels
- on one page, a timeline of appointments, scans, tests, treatments
- while you are hospitalized, list doctors and staff members who came
in, and what they did to/for you
NOTE: Your journal can also be a place for your family and friends
to jot down their thoughts and well wishes. Particularly while you're
hospitalized, they may also be able to write down things you may be
too out of it to notice.
4) ALWAYS GET COPIES OF ALL YOUR REPORTS
This includes blood tests, surgical reports, scans, etc. You probably
won't understand everything contained in the reports when you first
get them, but you will in the future, and having your reports is an
important part of understanding your disease and your treatment.
(It also implies to your doctors that you are serious about your care
and they'd better be too!)
You can ask your doctor's office staff to give you copies of lab
reports, radiology & pathology reports and even the final summaries
from your surgeries. Many doctors recommend getting copies of films,
too.
5) PARTICIPATE IN YOUR TREATMENT
It's important to consider yourself a partner in your medical care.
Learn about your diagnosis, the treatment and follow up protocols.
Be prepared to ask questions of your doctors.
If you are given instructions that don't make sense to you, get an
explanation. If you think your doctors' instructions contradict
generally accepted protocol, and you can't get a reasonable explanation
for this variation, it may be time to consider finding a new doctor, or
at least a second opinion.
6) GET SUPPORT, GIVE SUPPORT
Support comes in many forms (this group, local support groups, church
or work acquaintances, friends & family). Remember that by being part
of a thyca support group, you are not only getting invaluable
information and support from people who have been there, you are also
giving invaluable support to others who need your perspective. This is
a very healing thing in itself; it will come back to you in spades.
If you're not getting the support you need at home, remember that you
may have to ask for it. Friends and family members may want to help,
but don't know want to do or say. They are scared, too, and may need
reassurance that you will be okay, that you really are getting the best
of care, and that what you're going through is perfectly normal. (see
"Asking for Help" and "Talking to Children about Your Cancer” )
7) DON'T GET CAUGHT UP WITH PHRASES SUCH AS "THE GOOD CANCER"
Most of us have heard some variation of that phrase, which is clearly
intended to be reassuring, but which rarely is. We all know there's
no such thing as a good cancer, although the truth is that when
compared with other cancers, the survival statistics and treatment are,
for the most part, better than most.
And of course, we know it's the cancer with the best support group :-)
Unfortunately, some people find that phrases such as "the good cancer"
diminish their experience to the point that they feel they don't even
have cancer, or that they're not entitled to participate in such
empowering experiences such as cancer walks. Or, some people feel
guilty for feeling bad, because, after all, they don't even really have
cancer. Please don't let this happen to you.
Think of your diagnosis as a temporary detour, not a change of
direction, and continue to plan your future as if this detour hadn't
occurred. More than likely, you'll be forever changed by your cancer
diagnosis and treatment, but difficult as it may be to believe, chances
are it will ultimately be a positive change, and believing that you WILL
recover (and remembering that you had a life with goals before your
diagnosis) will contribute greatly to your recovery and your spirit.
Don't allow your cancer to become the sum total of your life, but
only a part of it. Always fill your life with other diversions,
however mundane (or, hopefully not).
8) MAINTAIN YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR
It's not always easy, but if you have any doubt that the worst events
make the the best stories later on, see the humor index for tales of
members' hypo blunders and other true confessions. If you need
inspiration in seeing the lighter side, consult the list of 100 funniest
movies, and see how many you can check off.
9) NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP
As you read letters on this listerv, remember that we are all in
different stages of our thyca journeys, and that we all take different
paths. Some of us have a single surgery and RAI treatment, and
are free of cancer forever, while others require more time, and
sometimes repeated treatments.
Sooner or later, however, most of us will have the joy of "clean" scans
and blood levels, indicating that we are, indeed, cancer free. Look
forward to these moments, and enjoy every single one of them, but
remember that vigilance is paramount. Thyroid cancer has been known
to return even 20 years after initial diagnosis, so don't ever let down
your guard.
OTOH, also remember that there are many thousands of people who
have had thyroid cancer, who consider themselves to be fully cured,
and who are living full and joyous lives. Their follow up thyca tests
are scheduled along with - and have no more import than - all of their
other regular medical exams.
10) THE FIRST YEAR IS THE HARDEST
No matter how low you may be feeling at any given moment,
remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that tomorrow
will be a better day. There are people who love you; there are those
of us who understand what you are going through, and who are there
for you when you need a shoulder (in a perfect world all those traits
will be in one person, but that's why we have many persons to help
us through an imperfect world).
It may be hard to imagine now, but there will come a day when you'll
forget all about the scar on your neck and when you'll need to mark
your calendar to remember to schedule your follow up tests.
Until that time, be prepared to be patient. Especially in the first
year,
it seems that everything takes too long to happen. You'll probably
feel like you're always waiting for something - test results to be
completed, blood levels to be where they need to be, medication
dosages to be finally stabilized.
And when all that finally happens, you'll be waiting to plan your first
series of follow up tests. Nothing moves fast enough in the beginning.
Through all this, remember to find time to live your life.
Pay for 10, get this extra!
11) GET TO KNOW YOUR PILLS
Whenever you have a prescription renewal filled, examine
the pills to be sure you were given the correct ones.
Mistakes happen, and you never know when they might
happen at your pharmacy. |
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Macro Shots
Here are more shots from my new lens.Wash
Gaze
Drink
See
Walk
Play
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Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Long Lost Photo Friday
During all my hard work of going back through the years of posts in order to republish the missing photos (I'm done with '05 now and only have '06 to fix!), I realized that I used to have a lot more fun here. I mean, yes, it was ALL about the cats, but I also created Consumer's Corner posts and participated in Photo Friday (like this post).
I don't know about you but I kinda miss that stuff.
So, even though it's Sunday, I'm going to start again with the fun, inspiring challenge of Photo Friday. This week's theme is "White". I took this over-exposed shot of Cambridge last week as I was messing around with my new macro lens. Even if it's not the "perfect" shot,* I decided that there was beauty in it, despite its imperfect, over-exposed nature. There's a lot of white, hence my entry for Photo Friday.
*Shutter Sisters recently had a post about out-of-focus or "soft" photos and how there's nothing wrong with them. In fact, they're usually better than perfectly crisp, in-focus shots because they express so much mood. |
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Really Late 14 month letter to the bear
Claire,You're getting so big!
I love that you are getting adventurous and taking a few tentative steps before falling into our arms.
I love that you're getting more hair because it's so fun to give you new do's! (This morning I was putting your hair in pigtails and you reached into the box of rubber bands and put a handful of them on your head. Smart girl.)
I love your big, cheesy grin, even if your finger is in your mouth half the time. (You like to ham it up in front of strangers which attracts MUCH attention from waitstaff at restaurants. Such a flirt!)
I love how you're learning to use a fork and spoon all by yourself. Such dexterity! Now if only you would learn that crayons are for drawing and not for eating!
Even though you lost weight when you were sick, I love, love, love that you still have your lovely, kissable, soft cheeks.
You're my girl and I love you.
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