Through My Lens

Wednesday, July 5, 2006


My face is currently aglow by the light of the laptop and my ghost-like reflection in the window is kinda creeping me out. It's past midnight and I can't sleep. It's because I went swimming at a friend's house this afternoon and then came home and took an unintentionally long nap.*

I was feeling very sluggish after this crazy, long nap of mine, so I brewed myself some joe. Only one cup, mind you, but it's enough so screw me up. I knew this would happen; I can't have coffee after like 3p.m. or I'm up at 1a.m. Yeesh.

So here I am. In the study with only the companionship of a curious or shitting cat (they're visiting me on a rotating basis and the catbox is right next to me - who knew that 12:39a.m. is prime shitting time!?) and my BRIGHT, BRIGHT laptop.

*How can some people take naps (you know that annoying term: "Power Nap") and feel refreshed afterwards? I know it's supposed to be 15 minutes for this to happen, but a.) how can you only sleep for 15 minutes and b.) how do you feel refreshed and not more tired like I do? Granted, I did sleep for 2 freakin' hours, but still.


Regarding my previous entry, I'm not hugely stressing about the ovulation thing, but it is on my mind. I don't pace around wringing my fingers about it and I don't pull my hair into little sections and twirl it around and around on my finger (like my little sister used to do). But, I think about it. It's almost as if I don't know how to function unless I have something to worry about. Watch me. I can make a list of worry right now:

Victoria's 12:52a.m. List of Worry

1. Cambridge's eye is cloudy and has a growth on it. Her antibiotic drops have done nothing to make it go away. Taking her to an eye specialist with probably be expensive, as he/she will likely suggest surgery and we've already spent $2,000 on her abdominal surgery just last summer. But I love her and I want to take care of her. Sigh.

2. My basal temperatures aren't spiking and, thus, I'm not ovulating. (Yes, I've only been off the Pill for almost 3 months. Chill out, Victoria! You were on that thing for 11 years; it's natural that your body will take time to get back to normal.)

3. The wasps that keep getting into the study will still be alive and kicking, despite our best efforts to kill them with spray, whenever we do have a baby and the study will be his/her room. The wasp will sting the baby and the baby will have to be rushed to the hospital. (This is an example of future worry. Like, way, way, way into the future kind of worry.)

4. Huz (or Zuh as I like to type) won't get a teaching job once he finishes his Ph.D. and he'll be the smartest, most over-qualified Kinko's manager in the world. (Okay, so I'm not realistically worried that he won't get a teaching job because he's wicked smart, people, but I am worried that it may take a while and what (what I ask you?) are we to do until he gets one?)

5. What will I do when our friends Thunder and Emily buy a house and move farther than a block away? What about if Lydia and Patrick, who live upstairs from them, move away too? I won't have any friends close by that I can just walk over and visit. That will suck.

6. What if I never figure out what career path to take? What if I get stuck in the corporate 9-5 for the rest of my life and never feel challenged or fulfilled? That will suck too.

7. I need to start working out more consistently. With the idea that I'll soon be getting fat and pregnant in my head, I've found it difficult to stay motivated in the running/weight lifting department. That, and it's freakin' hot and humid here (I hate the hot, hot heat) and running after work is laughable at best.

And there you have an example of all the worries swirling around in my head. Now if only I could siphon some off and store them in a pensieve, that would be awesome.

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 12:34 AM

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