Through My Lens

Saturday, April 9, 2005

Crazy Neighbor and the Shredded Toilet Seat

I know that Huz has already commented on this, but for those of you who don't read his blog, I will tell you it myself.

Minutes after Huz got home from work last night there was a knock at our door. He went to answer it and I came up behind him to see who it was. To my dread, it was our crazy downstairs neighbor, whom I refer to as "Crazy Joan." Now I know that sounds mean, but she's really creepy, people. Not only does she regularly knock on our door to pawn off her crap on us (e.g. a thrift store 80s sweater that she insisted I would love, a long white polyester old lady skirt that she insisted was 'top of the line,' and a random can of tomato paste), but she also claps really loudly while screaming to herself (or to what she thinks she sees) all of the time, which is rather disturbing because I can hear it loud and clear through my floor. Anyway, Joan was wearing a dirty plastic apron over her clothes and said to Huz, "I need to ask you a favor." He reluctanly replied, "Um, okay...," and she said, "Are you a handy kind of man?" (I, still standing behind him, stifled a laugh because, um, NO he isn't!). Then, she proceeded to tell us that she uses a "soft" toilet seat (Whoa. TMI.) and was replacing her old one because it was "shredded," but said she couldn't get it on right and would we help her?* At this point I slowly backed away from the door because, come on, this goes above and beyond the call of being a nice neighbor and why on God's green earth is her old toilet seat "shredded" - I don't even want to know. So, Huz said, "Sorry, I'm totally not handy," so she said, "Oh, what about her?" (She doesn't even know my name and she's asking me to go to her apartment and put my hands on her toilet!? wtf?). The door was closed and locked soon after this little visit. The End.

*Okay, where do I begin on the wrongness of this question? 1. We're not close friends. 2. Even if we were close friends, I'm not going to screw on an ass seat for you! 3. She's crazy. 4. She has a filthy apartment (I went there once to help her with something). 5. She's crazy. 6. Nuff said.

Posted by Bird On A Line @ 9:15 PM

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