Through My Lens

Announcement!

2010-03-05T22:55:00.003-06:00

Dear Readers,

I have an announcement to make. After 5 years of blogging, I finally bought my own URL and have a whole new site design.

Please come and visit me, check out my redesign, and follow me there!

There will be a random winner selected to win a prize - so come and leave me a comment!

http://www.bird-on-a-line.com

xo,

V.W.

Blog Moved

2010-01-24T08:59:00.005-06:00

That's Claire's favorite song: an alternate to the usual row, row, row your boat. The boat goes underneath the stream, hence the ha, ha I fooled you part, cuz it's a submarine, yo.

And by that I mean to tell you that I've been messing around with various blog hosts and think I want to go with Wordpress. It's cleaner, has better embedded comments and tracking...and it's new and fun to learn.

I've been here at Blogger for 5 years and it's been fun. But I want a new place to experiment and grow.

Please forgive me, readers, and change your readers to my new corner of the web.

Bird On A Line

Wardrobe Wednesday: Confident Mamma

2010-01-20T08:00:00.002-06:00

I put this wardrobe together by request for Lindsey, who said:

"I'm not sure if you take requests, but I would love some wardrobe suggestions! I'm a new mom to a 3-month old and can't get out of my jeans and a long-sleeve tee routine. I've lost all the baby weight (hooray!) but now am in need of some help for an outfit (or two) to go out and about with the kid or just to meet friends in (something casual, yet not frumpy). I love your muted winter tones (though those shoes would leave me freezing and on the ground).

Help please?"

Lindsey - I hear ya. I was in jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt for about a year after Claire was born (except for the days I had to go to work). How about this number? It is still casual and you can still wear a long-sleeve t-shirt underneath the gorgeous coat. I don't know about you, but I'd feel pretty smashing in this number with basic accessories.

Confident Mamma by tmlens featuring Anthropologie

Items in this set:
Windsor Scoopneck, $98
Jacket and Diane-Mod Retro Indie Clothing & Vintage Clothes, $93
Women's Super Skinny Jean - Silver Grey, $30
Tecce, Ships 8/25, $159
Womens AE Medallion Belt - Dark Brown, $25

Or, if you prefer, here's this outfit. It's still casual, yet put together and comes with a nursing top (if you're nursing).

Winter Nursing Outfit by tmlens featuring Nine West shoes

Items in this set:
Old Navy Womens Red Mid-Rise Flared, $30
Nine West: Boots > Flats > Polen - slouchy suede
Women's Apparel | Banana Republic, $36
Versace Women's Purple Nappa Leather Satchel | Overstock.com, $1,700
Maternity Clothing: Shawl neck nursing top: Nursing Tops & Dresses..., $29

I know, I know. That purple handbag is a total pipe dream, but it's lovely!
Here are some affordable alternatives, plus a cute purple hat.

Purple Handbags and a Hat by tmlens featuring Nine West shoes

Items in this set:
Nine West: Shoes, Handbags and Apparel for Women, $40
Threads® Loose Knit Hat With Brim - Plum : Target, $15
Nine West: Handbags > Sandee Belted Hobo - Hobo Suede Handbag, $120
Nine West: Handbags > Rory Satchel - Satchel Handbag, $60
Bueno Washed Double Handle Shopper - Plum : Target, $24

That was fun! More requests anyone?

xo,

Victoria

Hooping a Marathon

2010-01-15T13:33:00.004-06:00

I just registered to hula hoop the half marathon in April! I'm so excited! I begin training this weekend. This is for breast cancer fund raising and I'm thrilled to be a part of it. Just think, this spring I'll be one of these women.

Today I:

2010-01-14T13:32:00.006-06:00

Discovered a new blog that makes me want to buy as much crappy old furniture at Salvation Army as possible and make it beautiful.

Am wondering if you read my blog and don't comment. If so, it's Delurking Day, so drop me a line!

Am thinking it's almost time to release my new blog URL. Go ahead and take a peek. I'm not done yet, but I think it's fun and new - especially the category tabs on top. Feedback is welcome. (By the way, I decided not to keep my blog hidden from my family because I genuinely want them to know me. I'll just be a good girl and keep my venting about them private!)

Am grateful for my job. In a crappy economy where people are losing jobs, are being put on furlough, or can't find jobs (like Huz) I just got a 15% raise. Of course it means I'll have more responsibility and be more busy, but I can handle it. It comes at a good time since we've been without Huz's stipend for 6 months and daycare costs keep going up.

Am wearing my sexy vintage cowgirl boots and have decided that they are too cute to waste by just taking them off right after work and going to the gym. So I'm going to celebrate my raise with a co-worker friend by throwing back a $3 happy hour margarita instead.

Wardrobe Wednesday

2010-01-13T09:20:00.000-06:00

Here's a little number I put together. Let's call it Muted Tones Winter Wardrobe.

Muted Tones Winter Wardrobe by tmlens featuring Anthropologie

Items in this set:
Dotted Chiffon Blouse, $128
Hearthside Wedges, $98
Crocheted Cowlneck - Anthropologie.com, $60
Women’s Earrings: drop earrings, hoop earrings, stud earnings, silver..., $42
Hair Accessories - Jewelry & Accessories - Anthropologie.com, $32

I Forgot!

2010-01-11T13:12:00.002-06:00

Sorry, all. I had good intentions of sharing our holiday card with you a few weeks ago. I guess you can consider this a Happy New Year card!

I took these pictures on a lovely fall afternoon in our back yard. I love my little family.

A Snowy Saturday

2010-01-09T11:44:00.002-06:00

Oh, hello. If you've just been looking in my windows you would have seen me dancing crazily with Claire while listening to Dean Martin's "Let It Snow." Why? Because it's ACTUALLY snowing! I can still see my grass underneath the very thin blanket of white, but the stuff is actually falling from the sky and has been all day! I'm so very proud of Nashville right now.

Claire Bear and I enjoyed a nice snack together - homemade microwave popcorn. It's so easy and so much more economical than buying microwave popcorn at the store. She ate an entire banana and is now eating lunch (fish sticks, of course). Girlfriend is obviously in the middle of growth spurt because her appetite is up and I swear every time I look at her she looks like an older little girl.

Here she is now:

Here are some recent Claireisms before I forget about them.

"Row, row, row, dream...ha, ha achoo...sumeen!" = Row, row row your boat, underneath the stream. Ha, ha I fooled you, I'm a submarine.

When praying with her at bedtime, she pipes in "fada day" which means thank you for the day.

When she went out with Huz and his family she put on her Nana's bifocals and inexplicably started to howl like a wolf. I guess she's seen some vision impaired timber wolves in her time.

"Goo-mawning!" = the way she greeted us every time she got out of her bed while staying at my mom's. I hated the freedom she abused while being in a big girl bed, but hearing this was almost worth it.

"Mommy made it!" = What she says when she wears her knit hat I made her.

"Santa....Presents!" = This kid catches on fast.

"Uh huh." = Her new word for yes. As in, she says it all the time.

"Leeves!" = Please push my sleeves up so I can eat.

When pulling into the Denver International Airport she looked at the architecture, which as you probably know is supposed to mimic the Rocky Mountains, and she immediately said "happy to you!" which means she thought it looked like a birthday cake with candles.

"Make-up, me! = When I put my make-up on in the morning, Claire insists on putting some on too, so I hand her an old make-up brush for her to brush all over her face.

"Luhyu!" or "Luhyu too!" = The most endearing thing EVER!

"Ah cooking!" = I'm cooking! Especially in her kitchen that Santa got her.

There's so much more: her budding sense of humor, how she runs around the house like a crazy person, how she reaches out and tickles us, how she runs full steam into your leg and clings to it for life, how she plays with the nets of her new Elefun game making them bank robber masks instead of instruments to catch falling butterflies, how she loves playing with other children.

Claire, you crack me up, you make me smile, and you drive me crazy. All things a 2 year old is supposed to do and I would have it no other way!

Hogwarts School of Weather Prediction

2010-01-07T08:17:00.005-06:00

Huz is already sick of hearing me whine this morning, so I'll whine to you. Tennessee has got to be the most annoying state when it comes to "inclement weather" (a term I never heard until moving here). For days now we've been receiving emails from Vanderbilt and warnings from weather.com about how horrible it was going to be come Thursday. Oh, the terror! They predicted cold weather and, get this, 2-4 inches of snow! Oh my gawd! SNOW! Cue end of the earth sounds - gnashing of teeth and screaming. Last night on the news they were already closing schools in preparation for this god awful storm that was to hit the poor, innocent villages of TN at around 3a.m.

Guess what? I woke up, looked out the window, and saw green grass. Not a fleck of white to be seen.

And so, I have to ask: did Tennessee weather(wo)men go to Hogwarts School of Weather Prediction or are they all just high on meth?

I mean, really!

[Update: Okay, so it finally did snow a bit last night. I'd call it more of a dusting than a snowstorm, but that's just me. The streets are icy, though, so I'll give Nashville that much. Amazing how empty the parking lot was at work this morning! It has been cold, don't get me wrong; it's still only 15 degrees right now. We have a heat pump at our house which, as many times as Huz has explained it I still don't understand, doesn't heat the house very well. So we finally decided to get the chimney swept since we haven't used our fireplace since we moved into the house! The guy apparently took a look a few minutes ago, saw the creosote falling off on it's own and determined it pretty filthy. Glad we're getting it professionally taken care of before lighting up tonight!]

Wardrobe Lust

2010-01-06T11:20:00.002-06:00

Does this outfit totally look like something I would wear? Yes, yes it does.

New Blog Ideas

2010-01-05T10:38:00.004-06:00

So I'm really thinking about this new blog idea. It's a fresh start; a way to reinvent and renew. What kind of things do you all like to read when you go online? I'm thinking of trying my hand at having a daily photo, some fashion stuff (like the fun wardrobe I put together last night), food photos and recipe sharing, stuff like that. Help me decide what it is I'm good at doing and help me reinvent a new site.

Virtual Wardrobe

2010-01-04T20:03:00.001-06:00

I happened on a few fun style blogs last night and was really impressed with the Cheap Chic posts on this site.

So I decided to try my hand at putting together a virtual wardrobe that I'd love to wear.

What do you think?

I'll make one for you too if you want!

My First Virtual Wardrobe by tmlens featuring Nine West bags

Items in this set:
Mod Retro Indie Clothing & Vintage Clothes, $48
Old Navy Womens Wool-Blend Tab-Waist Coats, $50
Charissa, Boutique 9, Ships 9/1, $300
Too Hot To Cross Top Zip Clutch, $30
Nine West: Accessories > After Dark Bracelet - Bangle bracelet, $38

The Fate of My Blog

2010-01-04T13:08:00.004-06:00

It's a new year and frustrations abound.

I started this blog to share my photos in college.

This blog became my personal diary - a space to be completely myself and to grow out of the confines of conservative Christianity into the person I decided to be.

My family now reads this blog and I've been told by 2 of them that this is "their only link" to me and my daughter.

I offended family members with my 5 lines about Christmas vacation (even though I was very conservative with what I said and I could have vented about a lot more).

So, not only am I obligated to continue this blog as the only link to my life and my daughter's life (even though there is no reciprocal link to their life, thoughts or feelings), but now I am not allowed to say what I think here. I'm not allowed to use this space as my personal blog anymore, even though that's why I started it.

Tell me. How exactly is that fair?

I'm considering deleting this blog and starting afresh with a new URL that I don't share with anyone I know.

Happy flipping new year.

Cooking and Freezing Mission (Mostly) Accomplished

2010-01-03T13:08:00.004-06:00

Well, kids?

3 hours after going to the local grocery store (Kroger, which I hate, especially on Sundays because they have NO FOOD on the shelves) I am finished making 16 mini chicken pot pies and I have 8 turkey burger patties in the freezer for Claire. I diced the carrots and broccoli really small hoping that she'll actually eat them and not pick them out (but who are we kidding? she'll totally pick them out) and made little "C" shaped vents for her name on the crust. Awww! :)

I'm going to skip the third recipe for now because I'm hungry and ready to take a break. I'm reading The Magician's Assistant right now that a friend from my ex-book club loaned me, so I think putting my feet up and reading it whilst the kid naps is in order.

Yay me! I love accomplishing little goals.

Cook and Freeze and Mother Guilt

2010-01-03T08:56:00.004-06:00

I've decided to skip church this morning (heathen, I know). Instead, I'm staying home and making three freezable meals for my vegan + meat toddler (she's allergic to egg and dairy, in case you forgot). This means we eat separately, which means time to cook is at a premium around here.

This also coincides nicely with my resolution to help cook more at home. Poor Huz has been doing the majority of the cooking for 2 years now. Sorry, babe!

I've decided to try these recipes out (modifying them to be egg- and dairy-free, of course): chicken pot pies, sausage and bean casserole, and turkey burgers. That should last a few weeks and then I'll cook and freeze again.

I woke up rather depressed - mostly, I think, because last night we babysat for some friends and when the 3 month old screamed and cried for 45 minutes I felt unnerved and inept. Huz was a natural with her, however, and held and rocked her the entire time. I guess I felt unmotherly and frustrated that I felt I should be a natural. Talk about sexism! Why do we expect our gender to dictate our feelings and responses to the world? Just because I'm a woman (and a mother) doesn't mean that I'm ready for another (and I'm not entirely sure I'm even a good mother - my 2 year old drives me nuts sometimes!). I think that's what's bothering me the most - I don't know if I want another child and that makes me sad and guilty - I feel like I'd let Huz down, not to mention the grandparents, as well as Claire who could use the companionship. I feel guilty that I don't think I can do another baby and toddler. This shit is tough! How on earth do you do it again!?

At least I'm trying. I'm going to make my child some nutritious food today. That's good mothering, right? Right?

I Survived Christmas 2009

2010-01-01T19:45:00.006-06:00

Hello friends. Long time no write to you! I have made a few New Year's resolutions, namely quitting Twitter so that I can refocus again on my blog and not leave you all waiting around for nothing. I have also decided to get better at menu planning and helping Huz cook, which probably means I'll neglect my other blog less too. (But I'm not promising on that one.)

So, Christmas. How was yours? I have mixed feelings about mine. Suffice to say there was family drama when I wanted none. [Content deleted due to feeling badly for hurting family members.] Also, Claire was not sleeping well the entire time and we're still trying to get her back on schedule without sobbing for us to stay sitting in her room as she falls asleep - some habits die hard.

The best part of the vacation was actually our vacation from our vacation. Huz and I went off by ourselves (sans kid - thank you, mother!) for 2 nights and 3 days to Vail, Colorado to celebrate our 15th anniversary. During that time we forgot that we live on one income and one student loan and just had fun. I'm trying not to regret it now, after balancing the checking account, but, really, it was worth it.

Getting an ear infection a few days before our Vail vacation, Huz was advised not to go skiing, so I convinced him to have a spa day with me instead. He actually agreed! We enjoyed our first ever couple's massage, ate lunch together in bathrobes and slippers in the 'sanctuary' room (complete with lounging chairs, soothing music and a huge stone fireplace in the center of the room), then we went for a soak in the jacuzzi and steam room before ending our 4 hours of spa bliss in the mountains. Beats skiing any day if you ask me!

We also enjoyed two very nice meals at fancy restaurants: Kelly Liken and Larkspur. I wore my new holiday dress (in indigo, over one shoulder) to the first place and had Huz practically worshiping me the entire night, which felt great, even though I was freezing. We enjoyed our bed and breakfast very much - from the architecture in our room (exposed beams, stone fireplace and stone jacuzzi) to the cool hostesses who we really liked. We'll definitely be back someday.

We're glad to be home for some sense of normalcy, as traveling is always hard, especially with a small child. I will go back again next year, of course, but I hope to go with some more realistic expectations. I love my family, but we don't always get along. Isn't that just how it is? It all makes me wonder about having a second child. I really have been thinking about it lately, not only because people start to pressure you at this point ("when are you going to get me a grandson?!") but mostly because I want Claire to have a companion. There's no guarantee that if she has a sibling that they'll even get along (i.e. me and mine), but maybe they'll be best friends. And certainly they won't ever be without family after Huz and I pass away. I just don't know how to come to the decision with so many other variables (Huz getting a job, my ability to keep sanity with more than one, finances, housing, etc. etc.).

One thing I know: I'm grateful for my family, even if they drive me crazy, and I'm especially grateful for my family of friends and my immediate family. Huz and Claire? I don't know what I'd do without you.

Happy New Year everyone!

Christmas Vacation

2009-12-18T13:16:00.002-06:00

If you recall, last year was the worst Christmas ever because of complications from my neck surgery. So it makes this year's trip home all the sweeter. We leave tomorrow for a week and a half in the snowy mountains of Colorado. I'm most excited for Claire who will get to soak up all the love and attention from her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Also that she'll experience Santa and all the presents for the first time (well, not the first time, but memories are starting to form now and she'll remember it). I'm also excited because my social calendar is full! I really miss my family and I'm looking forward to some one-on-one time with each of my little sisters, with my mom, and then the times we'll have celebrating with the families at large gatherings. I'm looking forward to sharing my favorite childhood Mexican restaurant with Claire - that is more about the Disney-esque entertainment than the food (I saw my first man in Speedos diving off a waterfall there). And, of course, I'm really excited about taking 2 nights just for Huz and I (the first 2 consecutive nights alone together since Claire was born!) in Vail. We'll go skiing, shopping, eating, and plenty of soaking in the Jacuzzi.

Blogging might be sparse in the next few weeks as I make room for family and fun, but I sincerely hope that you all have a wonderful holiday full of love and peace.

xo,

Victoria

Infestations and Cute Hats

2009-12-15T08:45:00.005-06:00

Huz and I are relatively new Joss Whedon fans. We have faithfully watched Dollhouse* over the last year and are amazed by the philosophical and ethical themes that a sci-fi television show can have, if done right. Of course the world doesn't seem to appreciate the intricacies of selfhood, desire, and the fine line of morality within the context of trafficking human bodies, so the show is being canceled. I hate FOX. If So You Think You Can Dance was on any other channel, I'd boycott. Anyway, since we've come to appreciate his work (Huz also watched Firefly which I didn't like), we started watching (cringe, I know) Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It sounded so cheesy at first and I resisted watching it, but we've really come to enjoy it. It's silly and sometimes dumb, but the characters are well developed and there is a lot to glean from them - from gender roles to teenage angst to accepting fate and making your own way in the world. The last episode we watched was rather dumb; it entailed the high school swim team taking steroids and turning into swamp creatures of some kind.

*Huz recently started writing guest posts about Dollhouse on a friend's tv blog. Check it out.

I came home yesterday afternoon and experienced a similar infestation, just not swamp creatures. Some how our kitchen had been taken over by bugs - there were ants on the kitchen counter and on the window sill, there were two lady bugs repeatedly crashing their hard bodies into the kitchen light (click, click, click), and then there was a big black spider crawling on the kitchen ceiling. I handled the ants alright, joyfully smashing them with a paper towel, then I ran out to the garage and got some bug killer to spray on the outside of the window where it looked like they were coming in. The lady bugs were more annoying than scary, but the big black spider on the ceiling? By that time I had had enough with insects in my house and spiders kind of creep me out. I screamed like a girl (but I AM a girl!) but Huz wouldn't save me because he was busy cooking dinner. So I stuck it out, got the vacuum cleaner out and sucked it into oblivion. I hope I can come home tonight to a swamp creature-free kitchen!

In other, more crafty, news, I decided to try my hand at knitting something other than a scarf this weekend. It had been at least a year since I had knit anything, so after a few quick YouTube tutorials (I seriously forgot how to cast on using just one needle), I was on my way. And I made this. In just two evenings. I'm so very proud of myself, especially because when I presented it to Claire this morning she immediately put it on. Yeah! I can knit something 3D! I see matching mittens in her future.

What Does The Number 15 Mean?

2009-12-12T11:38:00.006-06:00

Fifteen. I remember being that age - I was deeply in love at fifteen. I gave myself to a boy for the first time at fifteen. It was a boy in my high school who was not in my clique of friends and who everyone was surprised that I started seeing (or, as we said in those days, "going out with"). I was a cheerleader who ran with a smart, but not nerdy, crowd - all my friends and I were in the Honor Roll, sang in the choir, and participated in all the school plays and musicals. He was a long-haired, ear-ringed, goateed guy who ran on the track team. He was brilliant but was bored by school and he didn't bother going to many of his classes. He wrote amazing poetry and he listened to a wide array of music, from alternative to punk to jazz. He was rebellious and starkly different from the other boys at school. He was a stranger who wasn't tall, but was certainly dark and handsome. I was strangely attracted to him - stronger than any other teenage crush I had experienced in my short life. What did he see in me? Must have been my goofiness, sarcasm, and free-flowing love. They say opposites attract and we did.

It was fifteen years ago, in December 1994, only a few months after graduating from high school, that I married this boy. My parents were shocked and upset by the news of our engagement. I distinctly remember my dad quoting statistics that it wouldn't last longer than a year and my grandma told me I dropped "a bombshell" on the family with the news. We thought we knew what we were doing, but in all honesty I was scared to death and we had no idea what we were doing - how could we? I, at a tender age of 18 and after going through a huge religious experience, could not know what to look for in a life partner.

And yet.

We've made it work for fifteen years. That number is staggering to me. How can I be old enough to be married for fifteen years? I have to believe that Providence had a hand in our relationship - that spark and connection we felt way back when we were only youngsters, it remains today. It's cheesy, but I feel as if we were meant to be. I found my soul mate - I'm lucky and I know it.

We celebrated last night with pre-dinner drinks at Nashville's best speak easy (I asked for something with ginger and pear and I received a lovely cocktail with sugared ginger and great spicy pear flavor) and Huz had a wonderful bourbon cocktail with coffee liquor and other goodness. We ate at a wonderful new restaurant called Miel. We enjoyed our meal very much. I started with a cheese plate that had 5 samplings of cheese from mild goat to salty sheep to an Italian cousin of Parmesan to a surprisingly strong brie to a sharp Irish blue. He had foie gras (sorry, PETA, but fifteen years is a big deal). For my entree I had an off-menu special that the chef had created that evening: suckling pork in a rich, earthy sauce served over roast squash and brie and cremini mushroom risotto. It was big and bold (I'm eating the leftovers for lunch as we speak) and amazing. Huz enjoyed a gorgeous venison dish with pureed cauliflower, brussel sprouts, and spaetzel. We both enjoyed a bottle of Cotes Du Rhone (it's amazing how we used to struggle to get a bottle of wine down - what does that say about us now!?) and shared an amazing little dessert of pecan tart with chicory coffee ice cream. They served it with a long golden candle lit in honor of Huz's belated birthday and our anniversary. The meal, the service, the conversation, and the company were all wonderful. I am very much looking forward to the continuation of our celebration as we take two days alone together in the beautiful town of Vail, Colorado in a couple of weeks. We will enjoy being just the two of us in this lovely room with this lovely Jacuzzi! Woot!

Huz - I'll say it a million times over, but I am so blessed to have you as my best friend, my spouse, my lover, and my partner in parenting the lovely child we have created together. Thank you for who you are, for what you mean to me and Claire, and for loving me unconditionally through all the ups and downs over the last 15 years. I adore you.

xo,

VW

Prom 1992

Homecoming 1993

Our wedding 1994

The Best Day Ever 2007

December 2009

T-Day Report and The Virus

2009-12-04T10:33:00.003-06:00

Thanksgiving was a blast. Seriously the best one I've ever had. We hosted 4 friends and 1 toddler which made our little house hum with chatter and little toddler squeals (both of delight and also in argument over lack of toddler sharing ability). We all ate dinner together at one table and one of the best parts of the evening came when I asked everyone to go around the table and give thanks. I started and gave thanks to each and every one of them since this very time last year I was being diagnosed and operated on for thyroid cancer. It was the scariest time of my life, yet I survived it thanks to the faithful love and support of my family and friends. Each person had a unique thing to be thankful for and there were tears of joy (and sorrow) in my eyes for each of my friends and husband. It was a beautiful little moment, despite the toddlers fighting at one point and one of my friends saying, "quiet, kids! can't you see we're trying to have some adult emotion over here?" Laughter was the obvious response.

After dinner we put the kiddos to bed (Claire in her room, of course, and Mya in a pak n' play in our room). Claire went, surprisingly, right down without a peep and after only a few minutes of protest from Mya, the adults had the evening to themselves. And what mischief we did make with many glasses of bacon-infused bourbon drinks and wine. I drank way too much and was obnoxious, but I was in good, obnoxious company so it didn't matter. In fact, the soberest of them all started body painting with whipped cream! I kid you not. I have pictures to prove it, but they might disown me if I post them.

The next day was filled with a hangover head ache for me. I still did a maternity photo shoot for neighbor friends in the afternoon, but I felt like hell. Or, at least I thought I did. The next morning I woke up REALLY feeling like hell. That is the day that The Virus attacked my body. From body aches, to head aches, to swollen, sore glands, to a sore throat, to an ear infection, to congestion and coughing....I have had it all these past 7 days. I'm FINALLY turning a corner (and just came back to work yesterday), but it lingers on. I hope and pray that this is the end of being sick this year because I do NOT need another ruined Christmas. I plan on celebrating my 15th anniversary with Huz next week and then the week after that we're flying home to Colorado for Christmas. Please let me be healthy for it this time!!!

I hope you all had a lovely holiday and that you stay healthy. I am grateful for health and when it's gone I sure realize how much I take it for granted.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

2009-11-25T10:30:00.004-06:00

Greetings, strangers.

I don't know why it takes me so long to come and post something for you. I suppose it's because there's not much going on right now and with Facebook and Twitter, I feel there's nothing left to talk about.

Sorry to abandon you like that.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and after having two sick people on my hands (Claire Bear has a heinous head cold that has involved more snot than I care to discuss - and she shared it with Huz), we are hoping for a lovely holiday meal with friends. We're hosting again this year and having 2 other couples over, for a total of 6 adults and 2 toddlers. Huz is making the turkey again this year, but he's departing from his usual apple cider brined bird to a bacon-wrapped turkey. Doesn't it look like a crustacean? I hope it's as good as it sounds. The bacon theme will continue when one couple brings some bacon-infused bourbon (ala Nashville's best new bar) for pre-dinner cocktails, along with some veggie dishes. I will be making mashed potatoes and a vegan pumpkin pie (so that Claire Bear can have it). And our other friends will bring dressing, mac and cheese, and wine. It is sounding like quite a feast to be had and I'm very much looking forward to it. So, go away head colds!

It was this time last year that I got diagnosed with thyroid cancer and my world was rocked. I am so very grateful to be past that and to, prayerfully, be free from the Big C. Life certainly goes on, doesn't it? I have a lovely, active, intelligent 2 year old and a loving, dedicated, devoted husband of (almost) 15 years(!!). I am very thankful.

I hope that you all have a wonderful holiday and that you are surrounded with friends, family, love, laughter, and good food.

Friday the 13th and a Bunch of Random Updates

2009-11-13T08:56:00.003-06:00

Last night's fright fits in well with today's date.

After a normal day of work for me, writing for Huz, and daycare for Claire, we came home and did the usual eating, bathing, putting Claire to bed routine. Huz graciously went out and bought me some fried chicken and him some pork shoulder from a local southern soul restaurant since neither of us felt like cooking. We ate while watching all of our Thursday night shows - Fast Forward, The Office, Parks and Recreation, and 30 Rock. We settled into bed around 11:00 and as soon as my head hit the pillow Claire started to cry. It had a different quality to it (yes, new parents, you really will start to hear that your child's cries are different), so instead of giving her 10 minutes, I went in to check on her. I'm glad I did. Her face, hands, and blanket were covered in blood. Red, red blood. Claire's blood. I have never seen her blood before and I don't want to see it again. She got her first bloody nose and it looked like it was a lot and had been bleeding for a while. Trying to stay calm, we picked her up and quickly cleaned her and her bedding. The bleeding stopped, I sat cuddled in blankets with her, gave her some rice milk and put her back to bed. I couldn't sleep until midnight. And then she cried again at 4:00a.m. with another bloody nose.

My poor baby. We don't know if it's because of the weather changing and the forced air heat blowing and drying her out, or if she picked her nose in her sleep....ideas? How to fix it? I hate her humidifier because it gets the hard woods all wet (even with towels) and makes her room feel like a swamp.

In other news, Huz is back from his 5 day trip to Montreal where he had a good conference AND a good job interview. Wish us luck as we wait to hear if he qualifies for a second interview. It would be amazing to live in a world class city in Quebec! We'd have to learn French and a new culture and our little girl would be bilingual. A.W.E.S.O.M.E. We are trying not to get excited, but it's hard not to enjoy the idea of it all.

Remember that cancer grant I applied for a while back? Well, turns out they had a record number of applicants this year and, due to low contributions from donors, were only able to fund 10% of those applicants. While it isn't the entire $4,000 that I owe, they did award me $500 to help with bills a bit. And I'm grateful. Especially considering that only 10% were helped. I'm glad I spent the time writing my essay reflecting on the cancer experience - even if I hadn't won any money it was a good way for me to process my feelings about the disease and how it affected me.

I haven't posted in a while, so I can tell you that the opening night of my first photo show was amazing. It was during Art Crawl, which brings hundreds out to see art in a heavy galleried part of downtown. There were tons of people, lots of free wine, lots of art vendors outside, traveling musicians, and a carnival kind of atmosphere. It was a great, vibrant part of Nashville I just discovered and I now want to have date night on the first Saturday of the month from now on so that I can participate in this atmosphere of fun, art-loving people! I had 20 or so medical students come to support me, as well as friends and church buddies. Even though Huz was away, I felt very supported and loved. I also sold one print! It was to a friend, but still, I sold a print! :) The show goes for two more weekends so I hope that I get a chance to sell at least one more, but if not it's okay. Having the opportunity to have some of my work hanging on a wall and seeing people come up to them and discuss them made me so fulfilled. Thank you, Nashville, for this experience! If we move away to Canada, or somewhere else, I hope that I can find such a welcoming, artistic niche like this little city has to offer.

Happy Friday the 13th everybody!

Because I Have No Shame

2009-11-04T07:31:00.000-06:00

Enjoy the bloopers. ;)

Weekend Update

2009-11-03T09:40:00.004-06:00

What a lovely thing fall is. It is truly my favorite season, What with the crisp, refreshing air and the vibrant hues of orange (or, as Claire would say, "erng") and yellow awakening my eyes.

Claire and I had a great day on Saturday when we went to a local fall festival with her best buddy Mya. She jumped in her first bouncy castle (but only because I was with her and the guy let her keep her shoes on - girlfriend pitches a fit if you ask her take her shoes off), she walked her first cake walk, and watched kids get their faces painted with great interest. We ate hot dogs together and she even wore an adorable Halloween shirt that her Mo Mo sent her for her birthday. That was our Halloween. I'm not a scrooge, but there was no trick or treating for us because she doesn't eat candy yet, she has dairy allergies (no chocolate), she goes to bed early, and she doesn't like to wear anything new (just getting the Halloween shirt on her was a mighty battle). We'll do it next year.

My first photography show opens this weekend. I'm giddy and nervous at the same time, but also proud: proud that I made myself join a photography club (which was scary and took me forever to do), proud that I spent many hours editing and resizing the photos I selected, proud that when the prints came in the mail they looked huge and awesome (I had only seen them on screen, never on paper). This is a big step for me and I honestly don't care if I sell a single print, but if I do sell just one I'll feel validated that I can actually make art. That other people like. And that? That would be amazing.

I wish you all could come and be there with me. Thank you for your online cheer leading! It means a lot.

A First

2009-10-23T13:34:00.002-05:00

You know how I quit my book group, right? Well, I joined a photography group in its place. And I'm excited (and nervous) to say that I will be participating in my first show where I'll actually be hanging my photos on a gallery wall. And selling them!

This is a big step for me to see where I want to take this hobby of mine, but I need some help. I only have four square feet of space to hang my prints (we're push-pinning them to the wall, so no space is needed for matting and frames). Please help me decide what is good enough to hang and sell. What do you like? Why? What would you pay?

Thank you so much for your input and I'll be sure to keep you posted on how the show goes in a few weeks!

Claire Bear Turns 2!

2009-10-19T10:34:00.002-05:00

Though her birthday is really tomorrow (at 11:31 a.m. to be exact), we celebrated our lovely little girl's big day over the weekend.

On a cold, windy morning we took our 3rd annual family trek down the street to buy some pumpkins.

The reason I smile every day:

Back home we went and during naptime there was a flurry of activity preparing for the party.

Vegan cupcakes were made. I decided to make both the S'Mores and the Pumpkin Chocolate Chip. They were great.

Claire liked them too.

In fact, she "helped" me make them and either had a hand in the batter or in her mouth the whole time. What a fun time and, hey! baking vegan has it's ups since there are no raw eggs to worry about.

The house was decorated.

Including a swimming pool (which Claire calls a swimming suit) full of balloons.

Presents were wrapped. (Hmm, wonder what that one is?)

Beautiful birthday girl in her tutu from Mo-Mo.

And then the chaos came. We had 7 kids and 12 adults in our little house. But, boy, was it fun!

Kiddos in the pool of balloons.

She was having fun, I swear.

Present time!

(This was an awesome plush owl my friend from my former book group made - out of all recycled materials. Love it!)

Her first cooking set.

Her first Sit n' Spin from us.

Enjoying a cupcake with Daddy.

Our good friends (nice cheesy smile, Mya!).

Claire's daycare teacher even came.

After the guests left Huz and I cleaned up the destruction formally known as our home. I found bath toys in the study; Claire's crib was full of stuffed animals chucked over the railing; and somebody even removed an outlet protector in my bedroom. Oh my. But it was all worth it because Claire had a blast. I have video of her playing "bumper hula hoops" with her boyfriend from daycare. She also somehow ate THREE cupcakes that day, so she was a very happy birthday girl indeed. Not surprisingly, she took a good 20 minutes to talk herself to sleep that night. After a few minutes of silence, when I thought she had finally nodded off, she bursts out "READY? SET? GO!" from her bed.

My little Claire. You make me giggle, laugh, and beam with pride. Thank you for being my little girl. Thank you for bringing lightness to my heart. Thank you for being fully and utterly you. I'd want it no other way.

Happy 2nd year of life my precious one.

Love,

Mama

Which Vegan Cupcake Should I Try?

2009-10-12T17:44:00.002-05:00

Okay, I have a few options to try for my kiddo's 2nd birthday party. Votes?

S'Mores Cupcakes

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cupcakes with Cinnamon Icing

Mexican Hot Chocolate Cupcakes with Chocolate Mousse Frosting

Preparations for a 2nd Birthday Party

2009-10-11T14:32:00.003-05:00

Yes, it's true. My baby girl will be turning TWO next week! When making food for guests, I'm not the kind of person to "try it out" first - I just follow a recipe, usually from a reputable source that never lets me down, and run with it. Not so much with Claire's birthday party desserts though. Why? Because of her food allergies - egg and dairy - which, as anyone who bakes cakes or cookies knows...is a main component of a birthday cake. Last year I tried out a vegan chocolate cupcake with much success. This year I want to find something new. So I checked out Vive Le Vegan! from the library and am making Raspberry Frosted Cake with Chocolate Cream Center. I will let you know how it is. In the meantime, here is the recipe.

Raspberry Frosted Cake with Chocolate Cream Center
(Vive Le Vegan!)

Cake:

2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups + 1 TBS non-dairy milk (I am using plain rice milk)
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1/2 - 3/4 tsp lemon juice
1/4 - 1/3 cup canola oil

Combine dry ingredients, mix well. Combine wet ingredients and add to dry. Stir to combine.

Pour into two oiled round cake pans and back for 26-28 minutes in 350 oven until golden brown and toothpick in center comes out clean.

Chocolate Cream Center:

(I skipped this part since I'm making cupcakes, so I added chocolate chips to the cake batter instead)

3/4 cup non-dairy chocolate chips
1/2 cup non-dairy milk

Melt chocolate chips and milk in bowl over pot of simmering water. Stir frequently until smooth. Refrigerate to cool.

Raspberry Frosting:

3 cups frozen raspberries
1 cup sugar
2 TBS maple syrup
2 TBS canola oil
1/8 tsp salt
1 tsp lemon rind
12 oz pkg silken-firm tofu
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
2 TBS non-dairy milk
1 TBS agar powder (this is a vegan substitute for gelatin - I just used gelatin since I had some)

In saucepan over med-low heat, heat berries; cover and stir occasionally, until liquefied. Strain over bowl and press on seeds to extract juice. Discard seeds (or make a jam out of them by combining with several TBS of maple syrup and refrigerate). Pour juice back into pan and add sugar, syrup, oil and salt. Heat until sugar dissolves, stirring occasionally. In blend or processor, puree tofu and vanilla until very smooth.

In small bowl, add milk to agar and stir. Add agar mixture and lemon rind to raspberry mixture, whisking continuously. Increase heat to boil while stirring, then decrease heat to simmer a few minutes until agar fully dissolves. Remove from heat. In the blender, while pureeing, add raspberry mixture to the tofu and puree until smooth. Transfer to bowl and chill. Once cool, re blend before using.

Spread chocolate cream on top of first cake layer. Place second cake layer on top and spread the raspberry frosting on top. You can either frost the whole cake or let it drip down the sides. Cool for a couple hours to set before slicing.

[Well, let's just say it's a good thing I tried that out first. The cake tasted great, but the texture is very gummy and the frosting? The frosting is more like I made a smoothie for breakfast and poured it on the cake than it is frosting. I gave Claire a bite and she literally raked it out of her mouth, handed it back to me, and said "don't like it!" Back to the vegan drawing board.]

What Makes Me Smile

2009-10-06T19:32:00.005-05:00

1. When Claire gets excited about something and says "Oh boy!" or "Woo HOO!"

2. When I have a really tense day at work, go to therapy and get all relaxed, get flirted with by the guy at the Starbucks drive-through, and then go home for a hug from my kid and my man.

3. This Tweet that Huz posted today:

"Claire is lying on her back in the crib, reading a book and making me feed her raisins. I don't even know what to say."

4. When I lay Claire down to bed and tell her I love her so much and she says "so much" back.

5. How Claire calls a seal pup in her book "seal puff."

6. The fact that I faced my fears last night at hoop class and learned to hula hoop AROUND MY NECK. You know, the one that I had cut open 10 months ago? Yeah, that one. I conquered that bitch, yo.

I Should Use Twitter...

2009-10-05T10:25:00.007-05:00

...but I feel I'm neglecting Through My Lens by twittering all my random thoughts every day.

1. Did anybody else hear the NPR story yesterday about the White House farmer's market? Not only are they accepting food stamps and WIC coupons, but they are worth twice as much at the market in order to make fresh, locally-grown produce available to all - rich and poor. This reminded me again why I love our current administration.

2. Does anyone else find Project Runway a tad boring this year? The people aren't interesting, nor are their designs. This might be my last season as a spectator.

3. So you all know how much fun I'm having hooping, right? I don't own a scale so I don't know if I've lost weight, but I can say that I've lost an inch on my waist just by hooping! I also taught a girlfriend how to hoop on Saturday - IN MY 3 SIZES TOO SMALL JEANS. Talk about progress! They are feeling much better and I still feel hot in them. Perhaps they were worth the price tag after all. I am firmly committed to my new fitness goal of hooping through the entire So You Think You Can Dance hour twice a week, making 3 hours of hooping a week when you count my Monday night class. Bring on the skinny!

4. The Bear's been sick again this weekend. After having a high fever for nearly a week and then being completely fine all last week, something's awry again. We had a lovely Fall* family morning together at Cheekwood Botanical Gardens and then visited a huge toy store (just window shopping) before going for lunch. We made it to the door of the restaurant before she puked all over the sidewalk. Talk about appetizing. We turned around and went straight home. It's weird, though, because she's acting normal except for occasional vomiting. WTF!? My theory is that a) it's another virus that she got from the 2 days of daycare last week or, my preferred theory, b) her back molars are coming in which is causing a lot of saliva and post nasal congestion which is causing her to gag and then, well, ralph.**

*Should seasons be capitalized? I always want to capitalize them, but I don't know if Fall takes on religious connotations by being that way!? Grammarians? Theologians?

**I feel sorry for any little kid named Ralph. I mean, come on!

5. I quit my book group. I had a hard time even accepting the invitation to this group last year because it is full of academic women (3 are PhD faculty at Vanderbilt University or Belmont University; 1 has an MA in poetry from NYU) so I felt inferior from the start. I may have an English degree but it doesn't mean I'm versed in all things literary. Far from it. I can barely read one novel a month because I'm so busy and tired at the end of the day. Having to read something not of my own choosing (I haven't liked most of their choices this past year, to be honest) and then discussing them with a group of well-bonded women (they have been in deep friendships with one another for 5 years) has been less than fun. And that's what I wanted from a book group: a fun environment to read and share ideas and I wanted to make new friendships. That's the biggest problem I had, really. Some of the women are downright stiff and I never felt fully comfortable being with them. I have bonded with a couple of them and plan to continue those friendships outside of book group, but as a whole it just wasn't what I was expecting. I hope I can keep my head high and not blame myself for being "too stupid" or something lame like that. It just wasn't a good fit for me and that's that.

Those are my ramblings for the day. What's going on with you?

Toddler Convo

2009-10-02T11:51:00.001-05:00

Just tweeted by Huz. I find it hilarious.

"Nigh night time Caire amen...cheese dip bagel nigh night time...daddy hoo HOO nigh night time." #theinnerlifeofatoddlerrevealed

Hooping

2009-09-30T10:16:00.002-05:00

I have one more week of level one hoop class before I go on for level two. That's right, I'm an addict! So much so that I practice before going to work. I'm getting better and learning to put new moves together, but there's still a looong way to go before I'm awesome.

I think the business casual may have hindered my sweet moves. (ha ha)

My Sweet Girl

2009-09-20T20:21:00.000-05:00

Taken tonight by Huz. I adore this little person.

Catching Up - Freak Shows, Boots and Ice Cream

2009-09-20T14:04:00.009-05:00

I could be sitting on the couch reading a magazine or looking at some photography books that are overdue. I could be editing photos I recently took at the state fair. I could be taking a nap since the kiddo is currently doing so. But no, I jumped up from my rest because I realized that you poor readers have been stuck with that horrid hula hoop video for a week now. Sorry about that.

So, what have I been up to? Well, I went to the Tennessee State Fair last Sunday solely to take photos. I have no memory of ever going to a state fair and definitely never in the South. There were Southerners galore, but the most disturbing thing were all of the freak shows that I thought didn't exist anymore in this pc era of ours. They were an additional $1 fee (and I only went to one - the non-human one) and featured the "world's smallest horse," who turned out to be a very sad small horse indeed. There was also the "world's shortest woman," who I guess was a 29" Haitian woman, and then the "Snake Woman," who, according to the announcement, "had the beautiful head of a woman on top of a 200 pound boneless, hideous snake body." The whole idea of paying to see someone who was abnormal, ill, or simply deformed made me very uncomfortable and images of the film The Elephant Man came immediately to mind (did anyone else grow up with this movie in your house? It scared the living daylights out of me). I wanted no part in the further marginalization of these people, even if (as some claimed) it was their only source of income. But then I did some googling last week and now feel foolish for all of my moral angst because it might have all been fake. The announcement on this video sounds identical, so I'm thinking I wasted some ethical energy on this.

The fair was also interesting because a) I hardly ever go on photo shoots and b) I never take pictures of strangers, but c) because I was with 2 other women I was brave and snapping away. But then I got yelled at - that's right, yelled at - even though the women I was with were taking just as many photos of strangers as I was yet they got by without so much as a peep out of anybody. A cowboy, whom I sheepishly told I was taking pictures of his boots said, "Well I do mind! I charge $10 a shot, lady!" and a bubble-blowing stall worker snottily said, "You know that's illegal, right?" Sheesh! I was just ~~participating in the further marginalization of the freaks at the fair~~ taking pictures that I thought were interesting. (Pictures to come in another post once I work myself out of this ethical hole.)

I had a decent week of work, but most of it was overshadowed by a deadline I had for the cancer survivor's grant I applied for. I know that most of you probably assume that everything is fine and dandy after surgery and radiation is over, but on top of the ongoing fear of remaining cancer, I have $5,000 worth of medical bills hanging over me with at least $1,500 more to come this year (if all goes well - knock on a forest!!!). So when I found this foundation that awards young cancer survivors money each year, I went for it. I made it through the pre-application process a few months ago and was invited to submit a full application with a personal essay and financial documents, etc. It was a difficult thing to write, not only because I'm out of practice (I haven't written an essay since college) but also because it was so personal and made me realize just how much I've been through this past year. Please hope with me that I get something out of this - it'd be such a blessing.

Yesterday was a perfect Claire and Mommy day. Don't get me wrong, but sometimes Saturdays are a real challenge. I love my daughter, of course, but having a day off (it's my weekend away from work after all) and needing to entertain her while still having a relaxing day that I enjoy is sometimes hard. But yesterday worked out perfectly. We went to the downtown library for their Cinderella marionette show (it was the closing weekend for it which is good since Claire's seen it at least a dozen times this summer). On the way home we went to I Dream of Weenie (as seen here) for lunch. While we ate our hot dogs on the table outside, I chatted with one of the women who works at the shop, complimenting her on her vintage cowboy boots. I asked where she got them, since I have been thinking about finally getting some (I know I have said horrible things about the South, but after 5 years in Nashville the kitschy, vintage look here is getting to me). She told me about a vintage sale going on, so after Claire's nap we headed back out to see what it was all about. I came home with a pair of bright red vintage cowboy boots circa 1970. They look great and were only $30!

Then we went across the street for locally made ice cream where I chatted with the owner - a woman my age with a son only a month behind Claire. This is the only place in town who always offers a dairy-free ice cream: sometimes soy ice cream, sometimes sorbet. It works great for Claire who has food allergies AND it's great ice cream. If you're in town go there for their Trailer Trash ice cream. (And there we've gone full circle.)

What a great weekend in my city with my girl. Nashville, you're alright.

I Can't Believe I'm Posting This

2009-09-09T17:48:00.001-05:00

Night Shoot

2009-09-04T10:01:00.002-05:00

I went on my first night shoot recently with a woman I met from the Nashville Photographer's Meetup I joined. We met for dessert first and then went with our tripods and fancy cameras up to a pedestrian bridge downtown. We spent about an hour photographing and being talked to by every homeless person in Nashville. Seriously. It was a bit uncomfortable, but there were two of us and each was carrying a big metal tripod, so nobody really messed with us too much. Afterward, we went back down to the parking lot where I realized I had left my window open the entire time - with my purse in the car. In that moment I was so grateful I live in tiny Nashville and not a big, bad city like Chicago (even though I love Chicago) because a) my car was still there and b) so was my purse and all of it's contents. PHEW!

Coincidentally, the Photo Friday theme today is Urban Landscape, so it gives me a chance to share some of my shots from that night (it also gives me a reason to delay showing you my hula hoop video!).

Hard Rock Cafe - the one good thing about it is identifying this sky line. That and the AT&T building.

Those swirly white things? Those are bats flying around lit up by the spotlights.

I love the composition of this shot (unedited) as I looked down from the bridge above. It looks like a toy train set.

Steel art.

Skater punks.

Ow.

Old and ugly is beautiful to me.

How Much Of An Exhibitionist Am I?

2009-09-03T10:05:00.003-05:00

So, hoop class. It's super fun and I love moving again. I am so used to my routine of getting up early, going to work, going home, feeding, bathing and putting my child to bed, eating dinner, and flopping on the couch each night that exercising again feels really invigorating and energizing. Yes, it hurts, what with the hula hoop bruises and the sore hips from all the squatting and dipping, but I'm having a blast. It makes you move in sensual ways that you never would do in public unless you have to in order to keep a hoop of plastic rotating around your hips. It's been fun to see my friends move in this way and it's been fun to feel myself move in this way. It's so feminine and freeing.

I aspire to be as good as this hooping teacher I found online. (FF through the first 40 seconds unless you like new agey-type images.)

Huz took a video of me hooping last night and while I am in NO WAY good yet, I wasn't displeased by what I saw, especially since last week was my first time hooping and I could hardly keep the thing going.

Shall I show the video to the world, though? I didn't have any makeup on at the time, I'm not exactly happy with my weight right now, I'm wearing "butch shorts" as Huz likes to call my sale-item cargo shorts, and I'm not very good. But I'm not bad either. Some of you have posted videos of yourself tap dancing, so I suppose this wouldn't be all that out of the ordinary. Besides, I did show you my ass in tight jeans recently. Hmm. Decisions, decisions.

Claireisms - 22 months

2009-08-30T14:18:00.005-05:00

My dear Claire Bear,

I simply cannot believe you are going to be two in two measly months. What the heck happened to my tiny thunder-thighed baby? And yet, I cannot imagine you being a tiny baby anymore either because you are so wonderfully you at this age. You are an individual with your own sense of humor, your own desires and wants, your own need for hugs and kisses (which your Daddy and I are happy to oblige). You make me laugh so hysterically that I cry. (Like yesterday when you were jabbering away in your high chair during dinner and you burped and "daddy" came out like you were a troll. It still makes me laugh right now.)

I want to remember all the fun things you say, so here are a few from this stage in your life:

Us-You = I love you
Us-You, Mama = I love you, Mama (only the best thing to ever touch my ears)
Us-You, Daddy = I love you, Daddy (probably the best thing to touch his ears too)
Issba = Zebra
Spaket = Basket
Care Sandah = Claire's Sandal
Kak Kak, Yeah Yeah Yeah = Quack, Quack EI-EI-O (Admittedly, this one took us a while to decipher)
Mama, arr-yew? = Mama, Where Are You?
Howahyew???? = How are you?
Howahyew, Tundah? = How are you, Thunder? (To which he promptly freaked out because such a small child shouldn't be so awesomely smart and verbose. Oh yes you should! Woot! That's MY kid we're talking about!)
When we ask her how she is, she says GOOD!

Care Sad = Claire is sad. This is follwed by her saying "smi-yel" and pulling a fake smiley face.

Claire (Care), I'm utterly smitten by you. You wear me out, but you also lift me up and give my energy and love so deep I didn't know was possible.

I love you, baby girl.

Mama

p.s. Strangers still say how beautiful your eyes are and I couldn't agree more.

Jeans Update And Such

2009-08-26T20:01:00.003-05:00

I've been asked how the jeans are coming. Honestly, I haven't worn them since all day Saturday. Why? Um, they hurt. Also, it's swung back up to the hot and humid South that I hate so tight jeans sounds nasty. Oh, and the unusual bruising is a deterrent. Seriously. My friend had a weird bruise after getting her jeans and then on Sunday, at the zoo with Huz and Claire, he asked me what was wrong with the back of my legs. I looked and behind my knees I had hickey-like spots. These jeans are dangerous to one's health! WTF!?

So, no, I haven't worn them since. But I will. I paid too much not to. Oh, and my friend has continued to wear hers and she says they've "really turned a corner" and are a lot better feeling. So, it's possible. I'll just have to wait until it feels more like Fall to bust them in.

On another note, I've started a funky 6 week aerobics class with 2 friends. Why is it funky? Because it's hoolah hoop aerobics! Ha ha, you say? Yeah, I said ha ha too, until I did it. Dude. It's some serious workout swinging your hips overtime for an hour, let me tell you! I was sweating! I had a side ache! And I'm bruised now (jean bruises, hoolah hoop bruises. I'm a mess.) But it was fun and I'm excited to work on my core muscles. Perhaps it will help in the jean situation.

What else? I'm researching like crazy - cuz that's what I do. It'll be our (drum roll please) FIFTEENTH wedding anniversary in December and while we're home in Colorado for vacation, we're going to leave Claire with my mom for 2 nights (TWO NIGHTS WITHOUT A KID!?!? AWESOME!!!!) and go celebrate. I would love to stay in Aspen or Vail but it is so freaking expensive, especially the week after Christmas which is the only time we can do it. I may have found a nice alternative in Keystone, though. I'm still researching...it's my part-time job without pay! It would be funny if we stayed in Keystone and ate at the Keystone Ranch because that's where we dined for our first prom together. Talk about full circle!

Okay. Enough with my exclamation points and conversational blogging.

I must close the lap top, stop obsessing over this vacation, and watch some television before bed.

Night, all!

Tight as Hell Jeans - Photo Edition

2009-08-20T19:20:00.002-05:00

Please read the previous post in order to understand why I'm posting pictures of my ass on the freaking internet.

Ahem.

So, I put the jeans on when I got home from work and I'm proud to say that I was able to button them and almost zip them all the way up unassisted. That's progress, people. I'm wearing them now and have a hard time leaning forward to type. Breathe in, breathe out.

I had Huz snap some photos for you to see. These are very dark jeans, so it's a bit hard to see, but here goes. (How embarrassing!)

This is my mad model look.

This is me showing the camera my ass and my kid hiding her face in shame.

This is me successfully zipping the damn things up.

And this? This is my sweetheart ass, y'all. This is the reason I bought these - they make me look curvy in all the right places.

Call me crazy for spending that much money on a pair of jeans (I think I'm crazy too), but you can't argue with that ass! I'm just hoping I can breath normally while wearing them in a week and a half! (You so think I'm kidding, don't you?)

Beauty is Pain

2009-08-20T09:32:00.004-05:00

I have to tell you about the crazy shopping experience I had yesterday. It was a sweaty, brutal experience. What? How is that fun you say? Let me tell you.

My friend told me about her custom jean shopping experience last week and how she walked out with a really tight pair of jeans that somehow mold to her body after a week and a half of wearing them. I researched the place, as I always do, and found that a couple recently opened a Nashville jean shop with their own label. They come from a family of denim designers and launched their own place with plans to stay local to Nashville and not mass-produce.

I was intrigued.

But could a pair of jeans - even if they mold to my body and become custom fit (they make the jeans in the shop and hem them for you and adjust the fly and give you the button you want, etc.) - really be worth the price tag of $175!? Especially if it's not even my birthday or any special event? Am I worth that? I ran it by Huz before checking out the place because I didn't feel right in spending that on myself. Not only did he not scoff or tell me I was crazy, he actually encouraged me to get them. Because I'm worth it and they could help me remember that. Isn't he amazing!? Where did I find this guy?

So, off to Imogene + Willie I went with my friend who had been there the week before. The owner, Carrie, remembered her and shared how it took her 45 minutes to button the jeans when she tried them on (this was a normal experience and to be expected). Because, you see, in order to have their unprocessed, unwashed denim jeans mold to your body, you have to get them THREE sizes TOO SMALL. Hence the sweating and pain. Carried grabbed a 28 inch and a 29 inch for me to try on. I zipped up the 28 inch with ease, so I knew that wasn't right. Next she gave me a 27 inch and said, "now the pain will begin." Yes, I started to sweat as I tugged and tugged on the zipper - I instantly felt as I did when I was pregnant and couldn't fit into my pants - staring down at the expanse of my belly and the huge V of open pants that should have been covering it all.

After 10 minutes of "wiggling" (in public with all the other clients - including a very skinny male model who, I might add, was sweating too) I was able to zip them. They were tight, but the thighs were already loose. Carrie said they'd take the legs in for me since I obviously have skinny legs. But then she convinced me that they would be too big and baggy in a week. And I went down to a 26 inch. Lord have mercy. I pulled, tugged, shimmied, wiggled, stretched, squatted, and finally got them buttoned after probably 30 minutes and the help of Carrie who pulled the jeans together while I zipped.

Gasp.

And then I had them hemmed and I bought them.

Gasp.

And then I brought them home to show Huz and I couldn't zip them again - it took more pulling and squatting.

What a work out. But in the end I have a very unique pair of jeans that will last me forever, that make my ass look amazing (Carrie calls it the "sweetheart butt"), that will make me feel good about myself, and will always remind me of Nashville and this very insane shopping experience. It was like labor and all of us in the shop totally bonded. Thanks Carrie for the iced tea served in a silver cup during all that sweating! I needed it.

I can't wait to see the transformation that these jeans will take after a week and a half of wearing them - if I can button them up, that is.

Is It Just Me?

2009-08-17T10:39:00.002-05:00

Or is my kid a genius, y'all? I mean, really. She's not even two yet (she'll be 22 months this Thursday) and she understands the concept of counting and, get this, SELFHOOD. WTF!? I don't even get selfhood yet!

It's not that she can count perfectly: she counts to 3 until 12 slips in, but she gets that 2 means more than one. She went on a run with Huz this morning and was counting the bicycles that passed by. See his twittered account of the conversation:

"Claire: si-kull? Me: Where's the bicycle? C: Duh-no? Seeping! Me: The bicycle went nigh-night? C: Yeah! Also, she definitely gets the concept of two (as in, "Si-kull! TWO si-kull"). Is that normal for a 22mo? It seems kind of early to me."

And then the self thing. She pointed at herself yesterday and said, "Care. Self." and then pointed to me and said, "Mama. Self."

She's amazing!!!

Texture Balloon

2009-08-11T12:37:00.003-05:00

I've been playing around with texture, trying to increase my photshop skills. I have a deep itch to do more with my photography and am looking into joining some photo clubs to challenge me, give me feedback, give me mentors, give me an opportunity to grow, etc. I don't know why it's so hard for me to do this, but I get caught up in self esteem issues and wonder if it's just too embarrassing for me to put my stuff out there. I actually started therapy yesterday to work through these issues, so I'm on a new journey of healing and hope to gain a good sense of self again. Art is a way for me to accomplish this, if I let it.

Here's to flying high without hindrance!

East Nashville Tomato Fest 2009

2009-08-10T08:51:00.002-05:00

We've lived in the funky, free-thinking East Nasvhille community for almost 3 years now and have never gone to the Tomato Fest. Enough! I said. And gathered 2 friends and went with kiddos in tow. There was a parade that all are encouraged to join and costumes are highly encouraged. This was the best I could pull together last minute as a tomato costume for Claire:

Only to be outdone by my friend Emily who has a widowed grandmother with nothing to do but whip up cute tomato costumes for her daughter, my god-daughter, Mya. NOT FAIR.

Alas, I picked up my pride and enjoyed the terribly hot and humid morning with our adorable children taking it all in.

Reminiscent of a New Orleans parade, due to the big band sounds and the beads around necks, we danced around on the sidelines before joining in ourselves.

It was a fun, free morning, despite the heat. I guess I should be grateful that the Nashville summer has, for the most part, been really mild. If there is to be brutal, humid heat it should be in August after all.

Bye, bye Tomato Fest. See you next year!

I Cannot Handle The Cute That Is About To Follow

2009-08-07T20:38:00.003-05:00

I share with you some photos that Huz took of Claire this past week. I don't know about you, but I can hardly handle them they are so adorable.

My little munchkin chose her own outfit and did a remarkable job matching if you ask me. Not sure why she looks so sad though.

Here she was "helping" her Daddy cook. Not the cleanest cook in the house, but Oh my Jesus the Cute! She might be a Julia Child in the making, who knows?

Barren Posts

2009-08-04T14:09:00.002-05:00

I'm simply too tired and busy at work lately to put forth any creativity. So, if you haven't been reading my food blog, skip over there now and feast your eyes.

Cancer Dance: Moved to Tears

2009-07-27T15:21:00.004-05:00

It was my intention to write about the emotional response I had to a dance seen on a popular television show last week, but life has gotten in the way. And I guess that's a good thing considering that the reason I had such a visceral response to the dance was because I recently had cancer. I am a cancer survivor. That is amazing to say because everyday life has just continued: there is work to be done, diapers to be changed, food to cook, a husband to hang out with, a child to play with, friends to see, photos to be taken. Life has certainly gone on and I sometimes forget that the scariest moments of my life only occurred about 7 months ago. [I need to add that this dance also acutely shows the need of other people when going through something as scary as a cancer diagnosis. As Melissa is carried and lifted throughout the dance by Ade, so I was carried through the scary times by my husband, my friends, my family and by the beautiful smiling face of Claire. Cancer is scary, even if it's dubbed "the best kind to get" and you need support of loved ones to go through it. Thank you to all of you who rode through that time with me.]

This dance was choreographed by Tyce Diorio whose family member had recently gone through breast cancer and it perfectly sums up, without saying a word, the experience of cancer: fear, anger, loss, weakness, hope, strength. I was sobbing after watching it, as were all of the judges. Amazing.

Hooky Day Summer 2009

2009-07-22T10:20:00.002-05:00

What a great idea I had! Why not, on one of Claire's daycare days, take an adult hooky day off from work!?

And so we did. Yesterday. And it was awesome.

It went like this:

We dropped the Bear off at school, very excited as always since Tuesdays are water play days for her.

Huz dropped me off for a manicure and pedicure while he went to a book store and scored himself both a book and CD.

We went to a beer bar for lunch whice we haven't visited since Claire was born. I enjoyed a new beer - Highland Gaelic Ale - with my sandwich and Huz had some french beer with his pizza.

Then we went to see Harry Potter - a matinee! No kid! Great fun.

Then we went to Whole Foods to casually stroll around and shop.

It was a terrific day and we plan on doing it a few times a year. I highly recommend it for all couples with young children and full-time jobs!

Weekendedness

2009-07-20T08:52:00.002-05:00

I had a great weekend. I didn't travel or do anything exotic, I simply enjoyed spending time with my husband and daughter. Making it better was the amazingly cool weather we've been having. July and 72 degrees!? A miracle.

Friday night was date night for Huz and I. While we had plans to go to dinner and see Harry Potter, we ended up just doing dinner because of the time. (When you have a toddler alarm clock that, lately, has been going off at 5:45a.m., you aren't inclined to stay out past midnight). And that's okay. Dinner at Brick Tops was wonderful. We enjoyed cocktails at the bar, some fresh guacamole as an appetizer, halibut with lump crab and butter herb sauce with pureed Parmesan cauliflower for me, and steak frites for Huz. We laughed, flirted, and enjoyed our time without a toddler to run after. We used to take dates for granted, but no longer.

Saturday was Claire and Mommy day, as that's Huz's library day to research and write. He rode off on his bicycle to Vanderbilt as Claire and I took off in the car with jogging stroller in the trunk to go for a run in a local park. Such mild weather makes for a happy running mom, even if she has to push nearly 50 lbs in front of her (~23 pounds of kid and probably as much for the stroller). We relaxed in the grass after our few miles out on the trail and while I did sit ups on the sidewalk, Claire decided it would be fun to climb aboard and ride on my stomach. I persisted in my workout and got called a "dedicated mother" by some passersby. We went home and I tried out a kid-carrying backpack for the first time. While Claire rode I clipped some weeds in the yard. Then we fed our out-of-town friends' cats and picked up some burgers for a front yard picnic. After Claire's 2 1/2 nap, we headed off to a girlfriend's "Blessingway." (Have you heard of this? I hadn't either, but it's basically an alternative to a baby shower - one without gifts that focuses instead on friendship, community, and well wishes/prayers for the mother and father to be. This particular friend plans to have this child (her 2nd) at home with a midwife. So she needs these well wishes and prayers! I took lots of photos during the proceedings which included making a bead necklace for her and painting her round stomach with henna. I'll show some after I process them.)

Sunday was family day. After church and a THREE hour nap (!!) we went on a family hike at Lake Radnor. Something really touched me on this hike, other than Claire running madly down the forest path with pure glee. It was when she looked behind her at one point and called out "Daddy!?" and his response was "I'm right here, Claire. I'm always right here." It was beautiful to me because it's true. He is always right here - for her, for me. He's faithful and dedicated and I fell in love with him all over again at that moment. After getting back home and getting the kiddo in bed, Huz and I enjoyed a lovely dinner out on the cool patio. Candles flickered as we ate meatball and zucchini kebabs, polished off a bottle of red Zin, and dove into dessert. It was a great time of bonding and connecting as a couple.

Random video taken on my phone.

Toddlerisms

2009-07-14T17:38:00.004-05:00

"Cambie! Hush!"

"All done, milk."

"All done. Wash up!"

"Daddy. Work."

"All done, sauce."

"Yeah."

"Keen up!"

"Mommy bye bye"

"Care nigh, night."

"More, more chicken."

"More meat!"

"Wha 'sat?" (repeat this about a million times to get the full effect.)

Saying "amen" at the end of a story instead of "the end."

Singing along with me every night to the night time song I made up when she was an infant.

Saying "amen" with me after her night time prayer.

Shouting "yay!" at the end of the hymn at church so loudly that the Rector chuckles and incorporates a "yay" in his benediction.

Photo Friday: Eyes Plus Dress Up Video

2009-07-12T08:34:00.004-05:00

Yeah, yeah. I know it's Sunday and I haven't posted anything in a while (like our fun Friday last week when we took Claire swimming in a huge pool with friends and their toddler, then how we took her on a pontoon boat for the first time (she hated the life vest, but she had no choice), then how we all gorged ourselves on some local BBQ. Yum. I also haven't blogged about my house boating adventure I just had with a co-worker friend, which entailed drinking overly sweetened girly drinks, jet skiing up to 51 miles an hour, and a blast from the past with a childhood game: Pig Mania or, as my other friend who brought one calls it: Pass the Pig.)

Anyway. I saw the Photo Friday topic and knew I had the perfect photo to share - I just took it last week and I adore these eyes.

This one is cute too.

And check out the dress up that occurred last week as Claire "helped" me clean out her old clothes. She's been wearing the back pack ever since.

Oh, and the reason this video sucks so much is that Claire insists on seeing herself, so I have to turn the viewer around and I video tape blind.

Fog So Dense It Reminds Me of a Scene From True Blood

2009-07-04T11:42:00.002-05:00

My newest TV addiction is True Blood. Although I'm not typically a fan of horror/vampire shows, I love the combination of dark and evil right along side the sexy and beautiful (I mean, come on ladies, have you ever seen such hot vampires!? Sweet, conflicted Bill Compton = swoon. Evil yet pretty Sheriff Eric Northman = rrawr). The aesthetic is gloomy and hangs heavy, much like the photos I took in my backyard the other night during a particularly humid evening. My lens immediately fogged up making the scene much more gloomy than it was, but I love the mood they effect. I didn't edit these at all - they simply fogged by nature.

Rhubarb Cruncher & The Hand Appliqued Shirt

2009-07-01T13:07:00.006-05:00

This is Claire.

See what she does with a fresh basket of CSA produce without any prompting from us.

I don't know, but I think someone likes rhubarb!

I decided to get my crafty on and make Claire a t-shirt. It was a simple, cheap project and I'm thrilled with the results.

Ingredients:

t-shirt from Babies R Us for 50% off = $3
white embroidery thread from Michael's = $0.35
embrodery hoop (cuz I used them all up for her room) = $1.99
leftover fabric scraps = free
time it took = 3-4 hours

Results:

CUSTOMIZED CUTENESS!

We interrupt this photo shoot to have a temper tauntrum.

Okay. We're better now.

(In my defense, I have to tell you how hard it is to photograph ~~the constantly moving target that is my daughter~~ Claire. That's why none of these are in focus!)

Old Headers

2009-06-30T22:36:00.003-05:00

In doing a few template changes over at my CSA blog (I added a lot more pictures on the sidebar, instead of the usual category list) , I came across some old headers I created for this here blog.

They all made me smile.

Ping Feelings

2009-06-29T12:35:00.004-05:00

Huz and I went to the "Toddler's Expressions" art show at Claire's daycare classroom on Friday. It included a full art show and a potluck with all the parents and kiddos. It was delightful, actually. It was the first time I've experienced the "that's MY kid" feeling in a room full of people. The teachers had worked with the kids for 2 months on building individual projects and group projects (from paintings done with painted branches, to paintings done Jackson Pollock style, to paintings done upside down underneath the tables, etc.). I have to say that on some of them, Claire's was clearly the best. I know, I know, biased much? No, not really. I genuinely feel that some of hers were superior. I swear!

Anyway, it was interesting to see all the parents with a child my daughter's age - interesting also that about half of them were clearly expecting another. I felt like I was out of place by not being pregnant and, while Huz has mentioned seeing babies at coffee shops and feeling his heart "ping," I generally haven't felt the desire to have another one. Everyone seems to get that heart ping when their first is around one, but I hadn't felt it. Until last Friday. I guess it was seeing all the pregnant mothers and remembering the excitement and wonder of having a child inside of you, as well as knowing that these toddlers would soon have a sibling to befriend. I want Claire to have a sibling to play with and be friends with; she enjoys being with other children so much that it's sorely tempting to try again now. But, no. We can't. First, I had radiation therapy 4 months ago and my Dr. wants me to wait 9 months to a year before trying again. Also, Huz is no longer funded and has to finish his dissertation and get a job. We don't want to fall into the trap of feeling like we have to have everything perfect and ALL of our ducks in a row (well-paying jobs for both of us, a house to live in, general stability) before expanding our family, but we really need those ducks in a row before we can expand our family.

Don't we? Tell me your story of deciding when to have more than one. I'd appreciate the advice.

In the meantime, *PING!*

When it rains, it lightnings

2009-06-23T14:14:00.004-05:00

I'm writing to you from a dark office on day seven of a migraine. I think it's a hormone-related headache because it started on the first day of my period last week and because I stopped taking the pill the same day. I decided to go off of it because I didn't like how I was feeling (emotional, etc.), even though I took it for 11 years before having Claire with no problems. Perhaps it's because it's a different brand; perhaps because my body just isn't the same after having my thyroid removed. I don't know. I just hope the headaches stop and that the new birth control method gets to the Drs. office soon (it's one that has to be ordered) and that it causes me no problems. What a pain it is being a woman! Why can't men take a pill and deal with the repercussions!? NOT FAIR.

Anyway. I haven't told you the TV story. We came back from our trip to Colorado to find several clocks blinking around the house and to a TV that was dead. Wouldn't turn on and the little red light on the front didn't shine anymore. We took it into a local Radio Shack to have it evaluated because, although a nice new HDTV would be awesome (no, we don't have a nice new TV in our house - ours was a flat screen TUBE tv - can you believe it!? It was only 6 years old though!), it's not an economically smart thing to do right now as we are living on my income alone. The repair guy called me back and said it was "uneconomical to repair and that it was hit hard by lightening." Lovely.

So, having no choice - 'cuz I ain't gonna live with no entertainment, yo - we went to Best Buy to find a TV that would fit in our entertainment center. This left us with few options, so we bought a 26" HDTV that, when placed in the center and viewed from across the room, looked absolutely T-I-N-Y. So, we took it back, took the top half of the entertainment center off, and bought a 37" LG HDTV instead. It was only $100 more than the tiny 26" and it looks awesome.

Last week we had more thunderstorms come through. Guess what? Our wireless router and desktop aren't working - can't get the internet on them. So we're back to the phone checking on warranties and homeowner's insurance for all of this. When it rains, it lightenings. When it lightenings, it hits our stuff (which were both on surge protectors, by the way!).

Some good news: I researched Comcast and, lo and behold, I discovered that if I switched to digital cable I could get a 12 month special (WITH HBO!!) for $25/mo LESS than what we've been paying for cable. Awesome. So, as of Saturday, we have HBO. And do you know something? I haven't found a thing to watch yet! Of course it doesn't help that our Tivo isn't working since there is no wireless in our house for who knows how long. Oy. Guess I need to find out when So You Think You Can Dance is on and actually watch it live. What a concept - live TV!?

Here are the innards of our dead TV before we took it to Radio Shack. We'll miss you Toshiba (but not that much).

.

Cooking

2009-06-22T12:18:00.003-05:00

New post up at CSA blog, including a new kick ass turtle ice cream recipe I tried.

Sorry for the lack of posting - I've been dealing with a week-long headache. Going to bed now.

Cooking Girl

2009-06-15T20:16:00.003-05:00

New post over at Cooking CSA-Style.

I made an awesome new drink and discovered an ice cream topper in the process.

Also, check out the most adorable kitchen helper of all time.

I Feel Like Screaming

2009-06-14T13:35:00.004-05:00

For ice cream, that is. I've got the itch to make some more homemade ice cream, like I did last year. (I realized that I let one by you guys when I made lemon gingersnap ice cream a few months ago. Amazing.)

Any awesome recipe suggestions?

I haven't made that outrageous candied bacon one yet. I'm considering trying one with mint, or a turtle ice cream. Give me ideas. And then I'll choose the one I like the best and will make/photo/eat/write about it.

Motorcycling: Photo Tour

2009-06-13T12:37:00.006-05:00

My Dad and Huz. Lesson time. (Apparently you do a lot with your hands on a bike, that or Huz is Italian with the animated hands.)

First-timer who doesn't look too bad on that bike, if I do say so myself.

(Talk about a big smile, right!? He was bitten by the biking bug.)

First-time helmet wearer and very brief motorcycle rider.

Center stage.

Claire and Grandpa bonding.

She had just given him a kiss in this photo. Look at the look of complete love and adoration on his face!

Claire and Auntie Katie bonding.

This was one of the best days of our trip. Thank you, Dad, for making it possible!

Pacifier Weaning: Night One

2009-06-13T11:14:00.003-05:00

Amazing. I put the earplugs in right after I put Claire to bed because, of course, she was screaming.

But.

It only lasted 7 minutes and then she slept quietly through the night until 7:00 this morning WITHOUT HER PACIFIER.

Good girl, Claire! I totally underestimated you.

We'll see how naptime goes in a half hour.

Pacifier Weaning: Day One

2009-06-12T13:42:00.004-05:00

Poor Huz has the privilege of starting the weaning process of Claire from her pacifier all alone today. She's 20 months old next week and, while she only uses a pacifier during naps and bedtime, we think (and the Doctor thinks) it's time to wean.

What I know so far are from his Twitter posts:

12:49p.m. - She went from quiet to 'wait, something's missing' to 'OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS' to 'WTF SO MAD' in about ten minutes.

12:59p.m. - Now repeated wails of 'd'no' (trans. 'I don't know where X is' - ed.) and 'mommy!' As if eliminating the middle man is going to help.

1:30p.m. - Woke up and cried for a bit after 30 mins or so, then quiet again.

1:20p.m. - All quiet. That was actually easier than I expected. We'll see how long it lasts.

Echo Lake, Colorado: A Photo Tour

2009-06-11T12:48:00.001-05:00

We took a lovely drive up to the mountains as a family. I will always remember it.

Sun bather.

Not holding still.

Demanding that I sit!

The brown jacket twins.

Mountain gazer.

Rock climber (the rock was so steep she thought it was a slide).

Macro shots.

CSA Cooking Announcement

2009-06-10T12:23:00.007-05:00

Dear Readers,

I have decided to start an additional blog to chronicle my experience with Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) cooking. I hope to share recipes, photos, and tips for cooking with fresh, local produce that can sometimes be challenging to use since they aren't the typical Kroger (insert local grocery store name here) fare.

Take a look and add me to your reader!

VW

New Belgium Brewery, Fort Collins, Colorado: A Photo Tour

2009-06-09T09:48:00.004-05:00

Generous beer samples that made me drunk before noon.

Speedy bottles, slow cans.

The big tanks of grain, reflected.

More samples.

Fat Tire beer was named when the brewer was riding his mountain bike around Belgium, which only sees street bikes, and everyone asked him what was with the fat tire.

More photos of trip to come.

Colorado Trip: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

2009-06-02T14:26:00.007-05:00

The Good: The plane ride to Denver was smooth and Claire was very good. We used the airplane tv, the laptop with her favorite shows (Sid the Science Kid and Sesame Street), along with snacks and coloring books as distractions.

The Bad: We arrived at my mom's house past Claire's bedtime so our attempt to put her straight to bed in a new, strange house didn't go very well and ended up being an hour and a half adventure of holding, reading, and then me sitting near her crib pretending to be asleep as she jumped around and talked to me trying to get my attention. I finally won by boring her to sleep. One for Mom!

The Good: We had a nice dinner with my Mom and Ed that evening - it was the menu I told you about before and was very good. Then we had breakfast with them and my little sister the next morning. We had an afternoon BBQ with Huz's family (this included all his sibs and their spouses, so there were 9 adults, 3 kids, and 4 dogs there).

The Bad: It was freezing during the BBQ which was held at a park, so there was little relief. Claire donned some slipper socks that were her Nanna's (Huz's mom) over her pants since she was only wearing sandals (way to pack for the mountains, Mom!). They looked like cheap Uggs.

The Good: We had breakfast out with my dad and little sister.

The Bad: Claire cried and arched her back through most of it, so Huz had to walk her up and down the sidewalk while his omelet got cold.

The Good: Huz drove a motorcycle for the first time in his life, thanks to my Dad. He said Huz was a natural and now he's been bitten by the bug and there is talk of him getting a bike when he graduates (and gets a job to pay for said bike). Claire also rode a motorcycle for the first time (between me and my Dad and she said "no ride, no ride" as soon as we started, so we turned around and dropped her back off with her aunt while I rode with my Dad). It was really fun and during the ride I was telling my dad that the Southerners have their ATVs which just sounds so redneck, but if it's anything like motorcycling it's probably really fun.

The Good: That afternoon, we had a big family BBQ with my family (12 adults, 3 kids). Then Huz and I went and saw the Terminator that evening, which was chest-rattling loud and entertaining.

The Bad: There wasn't really any bad that day, but there was the next. Both Huz and my mom got the flu or food poisoning, don't know which, and were in bed most of the day while I watched Claire, who was cranky and mommy-dependent. Thankfully, the bug they got only lasted 24 hours and, thankfully, Claire and I escaped it.

The Good: The Leonard Cohen concert at Red Rocks that Huz bought expensive tickets for several months ago was amazing. I had never been to Red Rocks before and the view was stunning. I wasn't even the biggest Cohen fan, but that little man (he's 75 and skips on and off stage like a little boy - I love him!) made me cry no less than 5 times because of his humility, his powerful words, and his amazing dedication to song and lyric. It was a religious experience and I'll never forget the benediction he gave at the end: "I know it's hard and tricky, but try to be kind."

The Bad/The Ugly: The concert was supposed to be on Tuesday night but because of freezing rain (40s plus rain in an outdoor concert = no good), it was postponed to Thursday night. This happened to be the night that my middle sister had planned for a girl's night out for her, me, my mom and my littlest sister. Well, she didn't exactly plan it other than booking a limo for us. We came up with the rest of the evening, which entailed going to a comedy club to see Shane Mauss and then to the Melting Pot afterward for dessert. Long story short, she didn't take too kindly to me having to mess up her plans and instead of seeing the situation as one out of my control (I didn't cause the weather and spending $170 on tickets is a lot of money for me to just throw away) and trying to reschedule the limo, she guilt tripped me so much that I cussed at her (saying I can't control the effing weather and what did she effing want me to do!?) and hung up. I was then berated by a dozen evil text messages about how I'm a gluttonous bitch who doesn't care what other people do for me or how much time or money they spend. I even offered to split the cost should she not be able to get her money back, but she wouldn't have it. I'm afraid this fight, which you must know is just a small example of fights I've had and many, many others have had with her, might be the end of our relationship. I've waited a long time for her to grow up, but if I'm 33 and she's 26 and we still can't stand each other, there's no sense in forcing a relationship that is only there by the institution of family (we share a mother).

The Good: Since our concert was canceled and I had no plans, Huz and I decided (since he was feeling better) to go to Central City and try our hand at gambling for the first time.

The Bad: Pretty much the entire experience. First, I left my purse in the car so I'd have nothing to carry. It was late so after parking we went into the nearest casino that had been recommended and found the buffet. They ask for id's before you can sit down (not because they serve alcohol, because they don't at the buffet, but because you're in a casino). I had forgotten mine in the car and said I'd go get it. The chick was like, "no, I'm sorry, but you can't go anywhere until security gets here." I was like, what!? I already felt so worn out and assaulted from fighting with my middle sister that I really didn't need this. The security guy came and was nice enough to let Huz go get my id out of the car while I stood there with him for 15 minutes. Finally getting the okay from security AND management, we went to the buffet for dinner. It wasn't very good, but I ate as many crab legs as could fit in my stomach just to get the most out of my $16. Then we tried our hand at the casino. Wandering around like children lost in the mall, we finally got $20 cash and wasted it all on penny slots. We also got yelled at by the bartenders because we weren't ordering drinks correctly (Huz couldn't go get both of our drinks - we had to go separately...Huz couldn't go get a second from the bartender but most order at the machines so that they could time us to see if we were getting more than one drink every 30 minutes). I sucked down my second amaretto sour and we left with no desire to return. It was a depressing place full of old people and rednecks staring blankly into machines that just sucked them dry without them appearing to notice. I felt like I was in a horror film.

The Good: Careening down the foggy mountain away from the casino at 10:00, we decided to make the day a good one by seeing Up at a 10:30 showing. I don't think I've been up that late in a long time, but it was a good movie to brighten my very dreary day.

The Good: I went out for happy hour with an old high school girlfriend who allowed me to vent both about World War III with my middle sister and the casino experience. Then we chatted about our lives, sharing some angst over career paths, children (me: having one and being tired, her: not having any, but feeling the pressure). We got nice and tipsy and then her husband came to join in the fun. We went back to their place for a bit and I almost fell asleep on their couch before they took me home. Huz enjoyed that evening with his little brother who just finished an MA in Philosophy, so they talked shop and future endeavors in the academic field.

The Good: Driving up the mountain as a family (me, Huz and Claire) to see Echo Lake. It was a gorgeous day and Huz felt a wave of emotion as he shared the beauty of his childhood home with his daughter, who was having a great time chasing ducks, looking at all the trees, and climbing rocks. She's an outdoor girl at heart.

The Good: Going to the Denver Zoo with Huz's parents. They loved seeing Claire run from animal to animal and saying "bear" like she was from the East Coast (she also started saying her own name a few weeks ago and is sounds like "care" with a Boston accent. ADORABLE.). She was fixated with the tigers and polar bear. She picks up new words every day now and that trip probably resulted in 10 new words for her.

The Bad: I saw an anaconda eat the face off a rabbit. No kidding. Nasty.

The Bad: The temper tantrum Claire threw at the end of the zoo trip (it was dinner time) and my phone ringing at the same time. I thought it sounded like my middle sister, who I am in WWIII with, but it was a friend from Nashville. I emailed her an apology for how mean I'm sure I was until I figured out who it was.

The Good: Visiting my Dad again and going on a drive to see how much the mountain I grew up on has changed.

The Good: My mom took Friday off from work and stayed with Claire while Huz and I drove to Ft. Collins to tour New Belgium brewery. We enjoyed lunch in town and had a good time sampling beer (man, are they generous with their samples! I was drunk before noon!) before the tour. I also took a lot of photos.

The Good: Having girl's night out (revised) with me, my mom, and my little sister. After I got an hour-long massage which was my overdue Christmas gift from my mom (thanks, mom!), we met at a comedy club and laughed our asses off. Then we enjoyed dessert.

The Good: Breakfast with Mom and Ed on our last morning - I love green chili on my breakfast burritos!

The Bad: The ear-splitting scream that erupted from Claire during the aforementioned breakfast. Girlfriend has no patience for sitting still these days.

The Good: We made it home safely after a 2 hour plane ride that started off with some scary-ass turbulence (I heard a kid say "wee!" during it, but I have long since lost my fearlessness when it comes to things that could potentially kill me).

The Bad (but funny): Closing my eyes on the plane during a rare moment of Claire sitting on Huz's lap and hearing him say, "Oh my God...Oh my God." I looked over and immediately decided that the diapers we normally buy are awesome, but the Whole Foods brand works as well as a sheet of Kleenex. Huz was drenched with Claire pee. I couldn't help but giggle as he ran down the plane to the bathroom with her and then came back even more wet since he had to carry her sopping wet against his shirt.

The Good: We got our bags, got the shuttle to our car ($71 for parking - ouch), got gas, and then to Sonic for our starving toddler.

The Bad: We had to pull over ad I flew around to Claire's door, ripped her out of her car seat and beat on her back since she was choking on a hamburger bun and couldn't breath. It was a terrifying couple of minutes on the side of the road. Thank Jesus in heaven she threw it up and was okay. I'm still shaking because of it.

The Good: Claire went right to sleep after finishing dinner (in her high chair where I could safely observe her).

The Bad: Our t.v. won't turn on. Apparently we had some power outages while we were gone and it absolutely will not work. It is currently face down on the carpet while Huz digs in its electronic guts. Sigh. There goes another $500.

And that, my friends, was the longest post in history. I will post photos later.

Redecorating on a Dime In an Afternoon

2009-05-27T19:17:00.003-05:00

I got tired of all the red in The Toddler's room and decided to cool it down a bit for summer. I did it all in a day and for only $67 with lots of materials left over (paint and fabric) for future projects and additions to the room.

Using ideas from these various places, I turned her babyish, primary color-laden, barn animal room into a happy forest.

These pictures aren't very good, as I quickly snapped them tonight before she went to bed, but they'll give you an idea before I do some final shots (after I clean up the room more, get matching bedding - which I might wait on until we do a big girl bed, which will also allow more of the tree to be seen.) It's not perfect, but it was a quick and painless makeover. And I'm pleased.

Moving aqua planter into the room: free.

Moving curtains from another room: free.

Moving table runner from dining room: free

Painting tree and birdhouses: $21 (bought sample sizes of White, Yarrow, and Cooled Blue from Sherwin Williams for $3.49 each plus some paint brushes)

Stick mobile: stick: free, fishing line and hooks: $5 (True Value), birdhouses: $1 each (Michaels)

Matching birdies: $12 (Target)

Signed print: $17.50 from here, but they are sold out, Frame: $6 (Michaels), Embroidery hoops: $1.29 each (Michaels), fabric: $11 with leftovers to cover lampshade and maybe make pillow (JoAnn Fabrics)

Claire seems to like it, as she exclaimed "Tree!" about a million times when she first saw it. Here's some recent pics of my cutey.

Who knew that my first time braiding her hair would result in a Pippy Long Stocking imitation?

Got soy cream cheese?

3 Day Weekend and The End of This Week

2009-05-26T13:04:00.005-05:00

A good Memorial Day weekend was had.

On Saturday, as I've already said, we had a BBQ honoring Huz's dissertation accomplishments thus far.

On Sunday, Claire (aka "The Toddler") and I hung out at home while it rained outside.

And yesterday I completely changed the look of The Toddler's room. I accomplished a ton of stuff, but have just a teensy bit more to do before I take pictures and write a thorough post. Stay tuned.

We leave at the end of the week to take the Christmas trip home to Colorado that we never got to take due to complications from my surgery. I'm very excited. Excited to go out EVERY SINGLE NIGHT with Huz because we'll have ENTHUSIASTIC! FREE! babysitting. Neglected movie theaters? Here we come! We'll also be touring New Belgium brewery which will be oh so beerific. And? Check out the welcome home dinner menu the night we fly in, courtesy of my Mom and Ed.

avocado soup
rum and pineapple marinated grilled shrimp
salad
espresso granita with bourbon pound cake
plenty of beverages (e.g., mojitos, butterscotch truffle martinis, chocolate martinis, scotch, bourbon, beer, wine…..depending on how the plane trip went!)

Awesome.

I'm getting lack of comment sadness, people. Drop me a line.

Decorations

2009-05-24T11:23:00.005-05:00

We had a nice gathering of friends over last night in order to celebrate Huz being exactly half way through his dissertation (3 chapters down, 3 to go...around 150 pages written, 100 to go). It amazes me that somebody can be so focused and motivated to do a beast of work like that, especially considering the distractions in his life: new baby turned active, demanding toddler and wife recently battling thyroid cancer, to name a few. You're a rock star, Huz! Here's to you. (And I hope you enjoy that new Weber grill I bought for you yesterday as an early Father's Day present. Hee, hee.)

I have been obsessed with redecorating Claire's nursery (do you still call it a nursery after they are toddler and no longer get "nursed" in there?). This happens to me - I see a fabric or an awesome idea in a magazine and I get obsessed for weeks until I finally end up changing something (this applies to hair styles, clothing, and redecorating). I still love the green we painted her room, but I'm over the bold colors and animals. I think there is too much red and I want something more sophisticated. I can't decide whether to keep it in a warm palette or to cool it down. Do I replace the red with a muted orange or brown? Or do I cool it down with green and gray and blue? We have a towel that we got as a baby shower gift and it's my inspiration for a cool palette.

I'm also want to incorporate birds, since I love them and this will give me an excuse to decorate with them. I just bought this print for half price from an online shop some Twitter friends told me about. I adore it. It's all in warm tones, though. Hopefully I can still make it work.

I also want to do something with a tree. You've seen all those cool tree wall decals, right? Well, I want to paint one on the wall and tie in the bird theme.

So many ideas!

One easy fix to all the red was to simply switch out curtains from our bedroom to Claire's. I did it this morning and think this alone has made a nice change while I continue to obsess and ponder over what I want to do with her room.

Before curtain change - lots of red:

After curtain change - I took extra knob ends off the curtain rods and put them in the walls to tie back the curtains.

Before curtain change - the green curtains blend in too much with the tan walls. Boring.

After curtain change - I like how the red adds some warmth to the room and how the pillow ties in the color.

Etsy Finds

2009-05-22T17:00:00.001-05:00

More cool things I like.

The Things You Say

2009-05-22T10:57:00.004-05:00

Claire,

Everybody is always saying how smart you are because you have such a big vocabulary already at 19 months. I can't help but beam with pride when I hear this from other people, because of course we think you're brilliant and wonderful, but to hear it from others just verifies it all the more.

I want to remember the adorable things you say - want to always remember your sing-songy voice, the pitch you reach when you say "eye" or "nose". I need to record it more on video. For now, here is but a small record of what you are saying these days. I love you so much, my little monkey.

Love,

Mama

thone = phone (which you always must play with)
sone = another way you say phone
e-e-E-E-Y-Y-E = eye (you sing this going from a low note to a high one)
n-n-o-O-S-E = nose (ditto on singing)
tinkey! = stinkey (as in when I'm changing your diaper)
belbow = elbow
tankyoumommy = thank you, mommy
tankyoumommydaddy = thank you, mommy, er, I mean daddy
bessyou = bless you
bee = any small object that has black on it (bees, ants, poppy seeds, etc.)
bee-bee? = TV with a question sound at the end (i.e., you ask to watch tv a lot, to which we either give in for 30 minutes max or we redirect your attention to something else)
bapple = apple (which you can eat WHOLE and I find it hilarious)
ah-oh, ah-oh, ah-oh = ah-oh repeated a million times for emphasis
Sasa = Sarah, your teacher from daycare
nigh, nigh = night, night
paciiiiie? = asking for your pacifier
bas = bath
elp! = help (as in demanding help for whatever you cannot do)
sit! = you demand that we sit next to you quite often, while patting the chair or floor next to you
mamafin = muffin (which you insist on eating WHOLE, not sliced)
nana = banana (unfortunately, your grandma wants to be called this so this will be confusing, I'm sure)
Uh huh! = your version of yes, while nodding your head vigorously (as in, do you want milk? Uh huh! Do you want a muffin? Uh huh! Mamafin!)

Hola From No-Blog-Much-Ville (Alternate Title: Wow, This Turned Out to Be a Serious and Revealing Post!)

2009-05-19T13:39:00.007-05:00

I have been fulfilling my need to spew random tidbits, whine about the terrible twos, and quote random funny lines from TV on Twitter lately. That is why I've neglected you blog buddies. Sorry.

I just found out that a good friend of mine is separating from her husband. While I'm not really surprised, I'm still sad. Sad that there is a chance my friend could be a single mom (not that I doubt her ability to do that for one second, but, damn, would it be hard), sad that my friend's kid may end up in a different state from one of her parents one day, sad that a good friendship doesn't always translate into a good marriage. In the end, I told her it doesn't matter to me if the marriage works out or not, but what matters is her health and happiness. And I mean that. Big hugs to you, friend. I love you, support you, and want to be here for you. Let me know what you need (dinner at your house once a week together? Drive by hugs? Long, girly chats on the phone? Play dates with our kids?) because I cannot begin to guess what you are feeling right now.

In light of this (and in light of recent weeks with The Toddler From Hell), I decided that I need to be more intentional about the time I spend with Huz. I just got back from lunch with him. We work on the same campus twice a week, but have only gone out to lunch together a handful of times in the past four years. Why!? I don't know, but I want to change this. It may sound like a small thing sitting together over an hour-long lunch, but it's time we can actually be together without a screaming toddler in the background. I think this is important. I've said it before, it's really difficult not having family around to (enthusiastically) babysit (for free). It's damn hard. And during this particularly difficult tantrumy stage, I think it's important for us to set aside time for each other away from her - even if it costs us some babysitting money. So, I'm telling the world that I want to commit to that. It's important for me. It's important for Huz. It's important for our marriage. (And I'm not saying that this in any way caused my friend's marriage to have trouble - I'm just saying it is a good idea in general and I want to do this for us.)

I also want to be more intentional about being happy. As some of you may know from the posts I've done over the years, I struggle with a sense of self, a sense of purpose. It usually comes out in terms of career (or lack thereof*) and struggling with what I want to be when I grow up (even though I'm freaking grown up already!). So, I made a few steps this week to help myself through this ongoing process. I contacted the Rector of my church to offer my photography skills** should any events/publications/websites be needing such services (he said I have good timing and will be contacting me soon to discuss); I called a friend and committed to be more intentional about socializing since I often feel alone after working all day, going home, putting The Toddler to bed, and then vegetating in front of the TV; and, the scariest part of all, I made an appointment for therapy. When I think about it, it shouldn't be that embarrassing that I need a professional to talk to. I mean, shit, I just went through some of the scariest moments of my life with cancer, surgery, and radiation. I'm entitled to some me time - even if it's sitting in a chair crying my eyes out in front of a stranger while learning who I am in the process. I admit that I need some help working through some things. It's going to be hard, but ultimately it's going to be good. It will make me healthier and happier, which will mean I'll be a better companion, friend, wife, and mother.

Wish me luck, people.

*I mean, I do have a career, I guess - education administration - but it never seems to grow to a level that satisfies me. I'm' still stuck at a desk doing whatever faculty or students ask of me. I was even called "secretary" this year by one of the students. I thought I was going to hang myself that day.

**I struggle with feeling like I have any good skillz, though I do enjoy photography and have been told by more than just Huz (who doesn't count) that I'm good at it. So, in reaching out to the public in this way, I'm trying to get over my fear and self doubt and to further grow in this artistic area. I did make $400 last week taking photos at a work function. How cool is that!?

Etsy Finds Friday

2009-05-15T09:59:00.007-05:00

Yes, I'm copying many others. But since I love those posts so much, here's my own.

2009-05-13T17:53:00.006-05:00

Mothers Day 2009

I'm learning to be grateful for the quiet, sweet moments and I hold my breath through the loud, screamy ones. Claire is experiencing the Mighty Will of Her Own, otherwise known as the Terrible Two's at the age of one and a half. I had a good mothers day, but it was punctuated with three, count them, three temper tantrums. Huz caught one on video that I must post, but later. These tantrms are exhausting. My hope is that she'll get through this period soon and her sweet self will re-emerge at the end.

We went out for breakfast and then to the park. As you can see, I decided to dress Claire up for the occassion.

I got this sweet little chair for a steal and Toys R Us the other day. It was the only one in the store and all the crappy plastic ones next to it were marked $7.99, so I got it for the same price (even though it's metal and wicker).

Big girl reading.

Asking Mommy to read to her.

Here she is playing with Daddy last week.

During naptime on Mothers Day, I got inspired to redecorate Claire's room and painted an owl.

More to come on that later...

Sweet Claire, I love you more than life itself. You make me smile and laugh so hard, you give new meaning to life, and you make me love your Daddy more than I ever have before. Even if you throw fits right now, I will try to remember that this is a difficult stage for you emotionally and that you aren't being bad on purpose. You remain my sun, moon and stars. Love you, baby girl.

Huz made me some phenomenol Memphis-style dry rub ribs. Amazing. I joked with him about the gender reversal and how I guess I'll be making him tea and crumpets for Fathers Day. :)

Huz, I love you and am so grateful for your partnership in this crazy thing called parenting. I honestly could not do it without you.

Mama's Day, Part One

2009-05-10T07:50:00.002-05:00

The day hasn't even begun and I'm so excited! It's only supposed to be in the 70s today with no rain (!!!), we're going out to breakfast in an hour, then to the zoo....and these? THESE! Are being prepared for me as I type.

Hello ribs, Memphis style!!!

Hairy Puppets

2009-05-09T12:14:00.005-05:00

As I mentioned on Twitter recently, I hate the new hairdresser I tried out. Why do I have so much bad luck in this department!? Remember pregnant Marilyn Monroe? Not good. Well, I tried someone new based on a recommendation and liked the highlights I got, but not the cut. I showed her some pictures of some sassy 'dos with wedge bangs and layered ends, not concerned with taking a few inches off, but still wanting medium length hair. The result was a short little girl bob with straight bangs and a blunt bottom. I hated it. Yes, that is why I bought a hat on a whim.

I called the girl around a dozen times over the last week (she wasn't good at calling me back and when she did she left a voice mail because I was busy at work) to get it fixed into something more of what I wanted. When I went back to get it "fixed" on Thursday, she dry cut me (meaning, no washing, no wetting, also no styling) for all of 5 minutes, basically pretending to give me more layers. She didn't do anything to make me look decent and it was obvious to me that she didn't care since she already got my money and this was pro-bono.

So frustrated by looking like a little girl, I went back to my usual girl and my usual salon and forked over more moolah to get my hair fixed. Since the previous girl had already taken off considerable length, I went even shorter to get a good look. So, this is my summer 'do.

After the pro did it:

And after I slept on it:

In other news, I took Claire Bear to the downtown library today to watch the marionette show. This is the last week of Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves. (Did you know that Nashville has the largest Kurd population of any city in the United States? I didn't either.) It was great fun, as always, and it had her rapt attention for 30 minutes, which is quite impressive.

I knew it was a successful puppet-filled morning, as I was being serenated by toddler snores the whole drive home. She's sleeping quietly now. Huz is studying at the library. I like my hair again. Life is good.

Who Likes My New Hat?

2009-05-07T19:54:00.002-05:00

I better wear it - I spent $38 on it on a whim.

Bon Appetit

2009-05-07T10:49:00.005-05:00

When Huz told me that he heard Bon Appetit and Gourmet magazines might go bankrupt, at first I just shrugged (because what's not going bankrupt these days), but now that I think about it I'm sad. We've been getting Bon Appetit magazine for 5 plus years now, as a yearly Christmas present from my mom's husband, Ed. This is a great gift because not only are Huz and I food lovers (and cooks - well, mostly him nowadays), but so are Ed and my Mom. So it's a shared link despite the miles between us and it makes me wonder each month if we're eating the same thing for dinner.

BA can drive me crazy, like this month's Letter from the Editor, Barbara Fairchild, who writes an entire page seemingly bragging about the good life as she knows it - traveling the world, going to Paris for a birthday weekend celebration, eating amazing food in her lushly gardened back yard. It made me jealous when reading it, but upon hearing that the magazine she's edited for years might be going under, perhaps it was a letter of gratitude for all she has after working for a gourmet food magazine.

The What to Buy Now pages are also bothersome. They're fun to look at, but list things that are so overpriced I can only laugh. Take these adorable egg cups from last month's magazine, for example.

Sure, they're adorable with a bright, modern design and I, as an egg lover, would love to eat from them on occasion, but $70 for 4 of them!? I think not.

Or an esoteric pineapple corer tool that goes for $50? Not for me. Thanks for trying, BA.

The things I love about the magazine are their recipes, naturally. And while the time and energy I have for cooking nice meals have waned severely since having a child and then dealing with thyroid cancer and the subsequent hypothyroidism (which I'm still dealing with - just found out this week), I still like looking at the recipes and hoping I'll make them later. The Fast East Fresh pages, however, are right up my alley these days. In fact, I'm making a meal out of two of those recipes tonight: Dijon-Cilantro Tuna Salad on Whole Grain Bread (which I'm turning into an open-faced melt with mozzerella) and Green Pea Soup with Tarragon. Most of the meals I've blogged about have come from this magazine or from the website that houses recipes from Bon Appetit, Gourmet, and others.

So, I guess this is just me hoping that they'll stay afloat through this economic crisis because I really like them: I like how they help reduce the distance between me and my family, how they help us make some very good meals during times of celebration, and how they help me feel like I can still make a good meal even if I don't have the time or energy like I used to.

Here's to you, Bon Appetit.

Linky Love

2009-05-05T15:25:00.004-05:00

Pretty cool rustic cake stand idea.

Hawt. Must make this for all my friends. (Drip, goes the sarcasm.)

I find these dolls very creepy.

Like this green idea. If only I had time, room, and patience to sew, store and learn how to use a sewing machine.

Want to copy this idea for cards or something.

Am loving the funky mushroom fabric of this apron.

Facebook: Rules of the Road?

2009-04-29T20:23:00.005-05:00

So, I'm in a quandry with this whole Internet thing. I have no problem putting myself out there on this blog where I can somewhat control who finds it (those who know me that is). But Facebook? I've been "friends" with a couple of co-workers for a while now, but since you can see who people are friends with, even though you aren't one, it has caused people I hardly know at work (including those I don't necessarily want to know, including my assistant) to invite me to be their friend. I don't want to just ignore said requests, but what I've done with now 2 of them isn't a good solution either: I accepted them as friends and then discreetly removed them. I know that FB doesn't notify them that I've done that, but if they ever try to look me up again I won't appear on their list and they can no longer read my posts. If I hardly used FB like I used to, it wouldn't be a big deal, but I've started posting while having fun, and that usually means drunk dialing of some sort (like last night's posts from a lesbian bar I happened to be at with a friend). Do I want co-workers, and my very Baptist (no offense) assistant, who I don't know on a personal level reading my drunken posts? Not so much.

So, how do I go about this? Do I stop using FB? Do I start a no co-workers as friends policy? Do I just ignore all future requests and hope the 2 that I removed never notice/never ask?

This Internets thing is hard to navigate. What are the rules!?

Daycare

2009-04-28T11:00:00.004-05:00

It was hard when we first enrolled Claire in daycare. I mean, you don't know how difficult it is handing over your precious little one to a stranger all day, but then you do and it becomes easier. Eventually, you look forward to it and so does your child - they need the interaction with other children and they need to learn to trust other adults and places.

I was very happy to see these pictures of Claire on the playground at the PDO (Parents Day Out) program she goes to on Mondays and Fridays. She is in love with this little boy, Liam, who has been in her 1 year old class all year. She's got good taste - he's a cutie with all that brown curly hair and blue eyes.

As much as we have liked the daycare at my work that she goes to on Tuesdays and Thursdays, because of how close she is to us if anything happens to her and because of how structured it is with age-appropriate activities (finger painting, crafts, learning colors and animals), it's just too expensive for us to continue. $50 a day is pricey for us, especially considering that she's missed 3 weeks due to illness since January and because Huz looses his PhD funding next month (it only lasts 4 years and here we are...4 years!). We have to learn how to live on my income alone and that scares the bejeezus out of me. So, come the Fall, we'll be taking her out of work daycare and putting her into a second PDO because that's the only affordable option. Granted, it's only 5 hours a day, but Huz needs any time he can get to finish writing his dissertation. Speaking of which, we'll be having a Half Way Done party next month - I'll be sure and share photos from the event. I don't think I'll be replicating the half birthday cake that looked like a deformed football, but I might think of something fun.

We saw the second PDO last week and were both very excited. It seems to be a great place that has the structure/crafts/age-appropriate learning that the full-time daycare does, but at an affordable price. She'll be doing kindermusik once a week too, which will be fun.

I know it's been boring around here and I apologize. Twitter and Facebook have distracted me. I'll get better at blogging, promise.

Picnic Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-04-27T14:43:00.000-05:00

Picnic Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

Swanki Hats GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-04-24T14:36:00.000-05:00

Swanki Hats GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

I'm hoping to win one of these cute hats!

Odds and Ends

2009-04-22T11:38:00.004-05:00

I'm listening to this right now and thinking of Memphis.

I'm liking this idea and wanting some right about now.

I'm loving these photo ropes that I bought for my office. I plan to have a rotating gallery of the photos I shoot.

I saw Eagle vs Shark the other night and am calling it the New Zealand version of Napolean Dynamite. Pretty funny and light - perfect for a PMSy evening on the couch.

I saw this movie the other night and really, really enjoyed it. Partly because I've been to Bruges and also because the dialogue is hilarious, despite the serious subject.

I found out recently that Colin Farrell was born the same year as me. I don't know how I feel about that.

I'm thinking of submitting something to this art show. Eeek!

That is all.

More Memphis Photos

2009-04-21T09:42:00.004-05:00

I forgot to upload the Treo pictures from the trip.

Road trip! Woo!

An attempt to put my good eye forward (I still had obvious pink eye during our trip).

Beer! (Yes, I'm a label ripper. Cannothelpmyself.)

Live music.

We're out in a bar in a new city WITHOUT A KID to take care of! Woooo!

Bourdain Would Have Been Proud

2009-04-20T08:32:00.006-05:00

I ate so much pork this weekend that Anthony Bourdain would have been applauding. Memphis, ah, Memphis. You're the first city Huz and I have escaped to for one blissful kid-free night in an entire year and a half*. Much fun was had - I twittered about it the whole time, but for those of you who don't follow me (or didn't see it on my sidebar), I'll give you a recap.

After seeing Claire and her Grandma ("Mo Mo") off for a trip to the Nashville Zoo, we packed and took off in a car seat-free car (weird!) for a 3 hour drive southwest.

Our first stop was a BBQ joint where a local that I work with told me was the best, and it was.

We checked into our hotel (with champagne in hand), freshened up, and headed out for some shopping and Beale Streeting.

We got caught in the pouring rain and had much fun and laughter as we hopped through ~~puddles~~ lakes of water huddled under a cheap Beale Street gift shop umbrella that was seriously made out of cheese cloth. We took shelter in 3 bars, enjoying booze and live music, before we made our very wet way to Rendezvous for dinner. After an hour wait, we had some marvelous dry rub ribs with slaw and beans. Oh, and beer! I've turned into a beer drinker since going to Memphis. Who knew that Fat Tire was so good!?

We went back to the hotel for a very nice, long, non-kid-interrupted sleep. I never used to think that sleeping until 8:00 was considered "sleeping in," but it is and it was wonderful. We enjoyed our complimentary gourmet breakfast at the hotel restaurant and then headed out for a few more hours of fun.

We rode the trolley around town.

We saw Sun Studios and the ducks crossing at the Peabody Hotel (a 76-year-long tradition that started with 2 drunk hunters playing a joke).

We went to Gus's Chicken for lunch, which took forever, but, damn, was it good fried chicken! I admit, we took the time to loop back up to Central BBQ to get a full slab to bring home so that we could compare ribs at Rendezvous and Central (verdict is: Central kicks ass!) and a rib spice rub gift for my mom for her babysitting awesomeness.

Then we headed home.

Basically, it was an awesome time. Very brief, but very fun. Marc Cohn sings about seeing the ghost of Elvis in Memphis. I wasn't even looking, as I'm not a fan, but I can definitely see the history. It's sort of stuck in the past a bit. And that's alright. Thanks for the good time, Memphis! (And thank you, Mom, for allowing this to happen!)

*Today is Claire's 1 1/2 year birthday! Yay!

Fun With Viruses

2009-04-17T12:22:00.004-05:00

I don't think I knew just how many sicknesses I would get after having a child. Claire was sick all last week with fever and ear infection and then I get this random sore throat for 4 days, followed by a RAGING case of pink eye. Remember the last time I had pink eye? Yeah, well this case is like 10 times uglier, itchier and painful. I'm guessing I picked up the virus that Claire had, only it manifested itself in different ways for me. LOVELY.

My mom flew into town last night - she's here for a work conference, but is offering us babysitting all weekend. So, I'm looking HORRIBLE but we're going to go to Memphis (for the first time!) on Saturday night - SANS KID! Woo hoo! I'm looking forward to our first night away in a year and a half, even if I look like a freak. I'll wear my sunglasses the entire time, hoping people will just think I had too much fun on Beale Street the night before.

Happy Friday everyone!

My Big Fat Easter Weekend

2009-04-13T19:39:00.004-05:00

My Easter weekend was very un-Eastery, truth be told. I did not go to church, nor did the Easter Bunny show up with baskets laden with milk chocolate that Claire can't eat anyway. There was no big family gathering and there was no lamb dinner with friends.

No.

My weekend rocked in different ways, though, because it was a time of empowerment for me. A time when I thought, hey I was diagnosed with the freakiest disease just 6 months ago and here I am alive, well, vibrant, and full of badass.

What am I talking about?

Well, I ran my first race this weekend. I ran a 5K while pushing Claire in a jogging stroller, which is no easy feat, mind you, considering that she's 20 pounds and the stroller is probably about the same. It was freezing (40 degrees) that morning and I inadequately dressed Claire so she cried the last mile because her hands were so cold (she wouldn't keep them under the blanket!), but I ran it. The whole 3.1 miles of it. And I did it in 33 minutes which isn't too shabby if you ask me (I haven't run but 3 or 4 times since last Fall and nothing more than a mile and a half). As I was running I thought, cancer? you can kiss my ass because here I am, running, alive, happy, and people are cheering for me to boot! It was empowering to say the least and it definitely won't be my last race.

That night I did what I have been talking about doing for years. I got inked. Gasp! I have been thinking, nay agonizing, for months about what to get that would symbolize something important to me and that would still mean something to me in a decade or two. I finally decided on a bird in flight which would represent freedom and moving beyond the past: both the past of religious fundamentalism and the past of the Big C. I saw a girl's bird tat the night of the Gala a few weekends ago and it made me excited. Getting cancer gave me the courage and the validation to go ahead with it. So, off I went to a local tattoo parlor that two of my friends have gone to and recommended. Initially I was turned away because the artist was busy (they don't do appointments on the weekends - I tried), but I called him and arranged to come back at 8:00 instead. I went. I did. I love. It wasn't THAT painful, though it definitely hurt. After going through labor pains, though, it was a walk in the park.

So, here she is. My symbol of freedom from the past. I've been granted grace sufficient to make it through the rough patches of my life and this will always be a reminder of that for me.

On Easter Sunday, Huz's uncle from North Carolina visited. We went out for brunch (I had a rhubarb mimosa and some lovely crepes with chicken and ham in a bechemel sauce and Claire ate almost an entire homemade apple sausage link!). Then we hung out at home, watched Claire play, hung out on the sunny patio while she napped, then I shared some freshly made Amaretto Bread Pudding with the boys before Uncle Tracy left for the airport.

Happy Easter to you and yours!

Love,

The Winters Family (with Wella)

The Winters Family (without Wella)

Photo Share

2009-04-13T13:49:00.004-05:00

I will post about my (very! exciting!) weekend later, but for now I wanted to leave you with some recent pictures of the Bear.

Cost of this caterpillar rocker at a store? $157 (!!)

Cost of this caterpillar rocker at a consignment sale? $20

Watching Claire rock on it and hearing her say "weeee!"? Priceless

I love me some consignment sales.

Claire was watching my little fancy dress photo session of myself and walked in the frame at one point, so I finished it by taking a picture of the both of us.

Her first pair of shorts.

Another fun, new (to us) consignment sale toy.

Claire's new "fun station".

My two favorite people.

An airplane!

WTF

2009-04-09T09:09:00.004-05:00

The Bear has been sick since Friday and I am so over it. I (and Huz) have been as selfless and nurturing as possible, but when she hits me and arches her back and screams and throws her pacifier and stuffed bunny at me? I get over parenthood in a quick hurry. I hate to admit that because instantly I cry and feel guilty, but it's just the truth, damn it, and somebody needs to say it.

At book club last night someone mentioned that NPR did a story about some blog where mothers admit to horrible thoughts or actions. I'm going to find this right now in hopes that it will make me feel better about the frustrations of the last week.

Here it is. I am going to start reading and hope that it's like a balm to my weary, guilty, bad-mom soul.

Gala Math

2009-04-04T11:36:00.004-05:00

This:

Plus This:

Plus:

1 glass red wine, 2 cranberry vodkas, and 1 very strong margarita (for me)
4 glasses of whiskey neat (for him)

Plus:

Lots of dancing to live music

Equals:

Crazy good time and a serious hangover.

-----

Thanks for voting and helping me decide which dress to wear everyone! You made it so fun. I obviously went with #2. I cut the tags off and wore that thing. Yippee!

Help Me Decide Which Dress To Wear Tonight!

2009-04-03T09:13:00.004-05:00

Okay, readers. I need your help. I'm going to a gala with Huz tonight (it's his grad school and I don't know any of these students or professors). I tried on all the dresses I own this morning and need help deciding which to wear.

Here we go.

#1 Dark Blue Gown
This one fits like a glove, which is okay first thing in the morning (like when I took this picture) but my body gets bigger as the day goes on. I'm not sure how it'll look tonight.

#2 Black Gown
I bought this one 6+ years ago and it still has the tags on it. Like the one above, it's pretty skin-tight and will show all my middle pudge this evening

#3 Pink Dress
Nothing too special. What do you think?

#4 Green Bead Dress
This one is on loan from a friend. I think it's adorable on her, but I feel it's a bit of a potato sack on me. What do you think?

#5 Green and Brown Dress
This is a juniors dress that shows lots of leg (which is why Huz wanted me to buy it last year).

#6 Little Black Dress
This is a simple dress that I've worn to several parties. It fits well and shows off cleavage.

#7 Black Halter Dress
I bought this a long time ago to go with Huz to his 10th high school reunion. I wore it without a bra back then, but am not as brave now. I don't know if this one is realistic because I don't have time to go out and buy a halter bra.

<a href="http://www.buzzdash.com/polls/which-dress-should-i-wear-tonight-158224/">Which Dress Should I Wear Tonight?</a> | <a href="http://www.buzzdash.com">BuzzDash polls</a>

<a href="http://www.buzzdash.com/polls/which-dress-continuted-158229/">Which Dress (continuted)?</a> | <a href="http://www.buzzdash.com">BuzzDash polls</a>

Have You Missed Me?

2009-04-02T10:41:00.003-05:00

Hello? Anybody out there?

I haven't been inspired to post a damn thing lately. I don't know why - everything is in bloom and flowering around me which should perk me up and inspire me, but it's not - at least not in this medium. I have started running again with the family, though. Yesterday we ran in the park for probably 2 miles. I'm considering doing my first 5K next weekend since it's on campus and supports a local, student-run clinic which serves East Nashville's poor, uninsured population. I know I won't be fast, but that's not really the point, is it?

I cooked the most simple black bean tacos the other night and I kid you not I have been craving them ever since. They are so simple and CHEAP! Try them if you are on a budget and want an easy weeknight meal. You won't regret it.

What else? My mom is coming to visit in a few weeks so I'm starting to show Claire pictures of her so she'll remember her and call her "Mo-Mo" when she's here. So far, so good. I look forward to seeing her see Claire (if that makes sense) and interacting with her since she's so fun right now.

Our elderly neighbor is named Don and whenever he pulls out of his driveway, Claire goes to the window and says, "bye, bye Don". Except her "Don" comes out more like "Gone". Now she's started saying bye, bye gone to everything that she leaves behind (her bunny, me, Huz, an airplane flying by...). Adorable.

My description of Claire's hair this morning after I attempted to wrangle it into ponytails? A bird's nest contained.

Huz and I are going to a Gala at his school tomorrow night and I need to decide on a dress. If I show you some (I can try them on and post pictures tonight) will you vote and help me decide?

Going Green and Getting Crafty

2009-03-26T09:19:00.004-05:00

I don't know if you know about Earth Hour, but I hope you participate no matter where you live. It involves making a "green" statement by turning off all the lights at 8:30p.m. for an hour this Saturday. I remember that my mom was ahead of the curve on this because when I grew up we would occasionally have Black Out Night (or maybe that was just having actual blackouts due to Colorado blizzards?). Anyway, I still like to do this every now and then at home. We just turn off the lights and enjoy our evening by candle light. Sometimes we cheat and watch a movie, but sometimes we play a game by the flickering flames. We haven't done this in a while, so I look forward to another Black Out Night this weekend. I'm sure plenty of children have been made during blackouts....but DON'T think that we are!! First of all, ain't no way that's even going to be discussed until Huz gets his Ph.D. and gets a JOB....plus it's unsafe for me to even try for a whole year due to the radiation that I swallowed a few weeks ago. Besides, we are quite busy with one toddler at the moment and I'm not entirely sure I want another. We'll see.

Anyway.

Following the green theme, I love the idea of reusing plastic bags to make things. As I don't own a sewing machine (which I'm thinking I need to change) I probably won't be doing it anytime soon. But I really like the idea. I especially like the Target octopus bag!

I like this idea since I have a ton of card envelopes from an office I used to work at. No, I didn't steal them. They were being thrown out so I saved them and have used them with handmade cards for seriously 5 years (that tells you how many envelopes I got and how little I have time to make handmade cards anymore). So turning them into gift bags? Genius.

I haven't been crafty since Claire was born (kids are a time and energy suck, don't you know?) but I used to make my own magnets for gifts. I love this fresh new version of handmade magnets or tacks. Must get my craft on again!

Radomness, Randomness. Also? Please comment somebody. I'm getting sad over here.

2009-03-23T19:00:00.007-05:00

In an attempt to get Claire some more age-appropriate toys, namely ones where she can practice cause and effect, I recently bought one of these for $5 at a consignment sale. She immediately started playing with it and still does 2 weeks later. I gotta tell you, that's much more gratifying that buying toys for a cat and having them just sniff it and walk away.

This is Huz and I last Friday night. We celebrated our belated 14 month anniversary because, as you may recall, I was looking hot back in December after having surgery. Huz is proud of me when I don't hide my scar. He also likes it when I show some leg. Wee!

We went to our favorite Nashville restaurant and enjoyed a full bottle of wine (hiccup) and a lovely meal together. For the appetizer I had artisan pizza with lamb, feta and pesto; Huz had homemade sausage with apple and fennel slaw. For the main entree I had steak (medium rare) with wilted arugula, mushrooms, blue cheese and walnuts; Huz had grilled trout with a butter sauce and crispy polenta and sauteed vegetables. We shared a strawberry custard tarte and coffee for dessert. Yum to the max.

I'm still contemplating getting a tattoo. As you know, I've thought about it for years and now that I've (hopefully) survived cancer I feel the need for some sort of symbol of triumph to help me remember strength, health, vitality, life. I'm just hung up on what the symbol should be, what is meaningful to me, and what I won't get sick of or hate years down the road. I need to meet with a local tattoo artist to help me come up with an original design.

That's about it. Now somebody please say SOMETHING to me and make me smile. Thanks!

Identity

2009-03-23T08:53:00.005-05:00

A beautiful new post at Mothers of Invention really made me pause, reevaluate, and smile.

If you're a parent (and please read "mother" as "parent"), please read it.

As is common with me, I'm going through another identity crisis and asking myself the same questions: who am I? what's important to me? how does God fit into all of this? who is God? what does my cancer mean? do I have to label myself as a cancer survivor/victim now? what am I good at? why am I always in the same, boring admin jobs if I feel I can do so much more? am I a photographer or just some girl who snaps a decent picture once in a while? what is meaningful to me? what is my purpose?

I hate these unstable, scary, questionable times in my life, yet if I didn't have them, would my life be worth living? Probably not.

Recent Pics

2009-03-22T09:03:00.003-05:00

Somebody likes (soy) chocolate pudding.

A nice little random smile that brightened my day.

Teaching how to do high-fives.

Playing in the wagon.

Daddy's little helper.

Startled by the noise.

Needing a hug.

My cutie.

Tacos, Fish-Laden and Fashion, 80s-Laden

2009-03-17T09:08:00.005-05:00

Update: Fish tacos were another big success. The Smokin' Slaw was...smokin' good. Even Huz put a second scoop of it on his taco.

I was deep frying the fish in my new* leggings whilst barefoot, a very dangerous proposition. Thankfully I survived just fine.

*It took me a long, long time to come around to buying leggings, y'all. I mean, I still remember them from the 80s when I was a kid, so it was hard going back. But, I have to admit, they look pretty awesome on my shapley** legs underneath my new colorful tunic/dress (that I bought from the JUNIORS section at Macy's - am I the only over 30-something who does this!?).

**It's mostly genetics that gives me nice legs. The Winters family did go on the first run of the season together last night, though, and I was keenly aware of extra baggage flapping around on my backside, so working out is looooong overdue. Get in shape girl! (Talk about 80s, huh?)

The End.

p.s. You CAN add me to your Google Reader - you just have to click on the top-left of my page where is says "Subscribe to Posts." I tried it and it worked. Just be sure to click on over every once and a while and comment, okay?

Smitten, All Over Again

2009-03-16T14:03:00.004-05:00

Claire Bear,

Even though you have been experiencing heavy emotions lately and can arch your back and scream like nobody's business, you are also my lovely little one and I adore you. We all went out for dinner last night because Mommy was too lazy to make fish tacos (you can't have them anyway, so no loss to you, right?) and as we packed up to leave the restaurant you made me fall in love with you all over again. You blew kisses to the waitress and then waved and said your breathy little "bye" to everyone we passed on the way out. You are precious and adorable and I LOVE YOU!

~Ma-MA

Beer-Battered Fish Tacos

2009-03-13T19:25:00.003-05:00

I lurv these tacos so much, it's not even funny.

From Chevys & Rio Bravo Fresh Mex Cookbook

(Serves 4)

3/4 cup flour
1/4 cup Fuego Spice Mix*
1 TBS salt
12 oz. Mexican beer
2 cups rice flour
canola oil, for frying
3/4 lb sea bass, halibut, swordfish or yellowfin tuna, cut into 4 inch-long strips
8 small flour tortillas
Chipotle Sour Cream**
Smokin' Chipotle 'Slaw***
Pico de Gallo****
cilantro

To batter fish:
Combine flour, spice mix and salt in shallow bowl. In separate bowl, combine the beer and rice flour. Dredge fish fillets in flour mixture and then dip into beer mixture.

Line a platter with paper towels. Fill a heavy-bottomed skillet with 3 inches of oil. Heat over high heat until oil is 350 degrees. Drop 1-2 fillets at a time into oil and fry for about 2 minutes, turning once. Remove with strainer and transfer to paper towel-lined plate. Repeat with all fish.

To serve:
Place 2 tortillas on each plate and fill with fish, sour cream, slaw and pico. Garnish with cilantro.

*Fuego Spice Mix
(I make this in large batches and always have some on hand so I don't have to take the time making it each time. Having said that, it's not really necessary for the meal - you could just use chili powder or something.)

1/4 cup paprika
2 tsp cayenne pepper
2 TBS salt
2 TBS white pepper
2 TBS black pepper
2 TBS dried garlic
2 TBS oregano

Combine all ingredients; store in airtight container for up to 6 months.

**Chipotle Sour Cream
(This absolutely MAKES this meal, so don't skip out on this part!!)

1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 tsp chipotle puree (from canned chipotle peppers - use the sauce the peppers are in)
1/2 tsp salt
1 TBS freshly squeezed lime juice

Combine all ingredients and whisk until smooth.

***Smokin' Chipotle 'Slaw
(I have never actually made this because Huz loathes cabbage. At least he always has, but it seems he's coming around, so I'll try it when I make these Sunday.)

3 cups finely shredded white cabbage
3 cups finely shredded red cabbage
3/4 cup Sweet Chipotle Dressing*****

Combine cabbage and toss with dressing.

*****Sweet Chipotle Dressing
1 TBS diced yellow onion
1 TBS chopped garlic
2 TBS Dijon mustard
1/4 tsp cumin
1/2 cup diced tomatoes
2 TBS chopped cilantro
2/3 cup seasoned rice wine vinegar
1/4 tsp black pepper
1 tsp salt
2 TBS honey
2 TBS Chipotle Puree (from canned chipotle peppers)
1/2 cup olive oil

Place all ingredients, except oil, in blender and blend until smooth. Slowly add oil while blender is on until completely emulsified. Can keep for 3-5 days in air-tight container.

****Pico de Gallo
(I've made this several times and while not necessary for the tacos, it really does give a nice, fresh taste on top so I recommend it.)

2 cups tomatoes, diced
1/2 cup white onions, chopped
2 TBS chopped cilantro
1 1/2 TBS stemmed, seeded and minced jalepeno
2 tsp freshly squeezed lime jice
1/2 tsp salt

Combine all ingredients. Serve chilled.

I usually serve these tacos with Mexican red rice. It's super yummy and people will be amazed by the lovely beer flavored fish and the Chipotle Sour Cream. Make it and let me know what you think!